I was just lent the audiobook Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman who wrote extensively about emotional intelligence. Looking over this list (from ClipMarks), I see that I'm doing pretty well!
The Ten Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People
Copyright 1999 Steve Hein, The EQ Institute - May be copied for educational uses.
High EQ people:
1. Label their feelings, rather than labeling people or situations. "I feel impatient."
vs "This is ridiculous."
"I feel hurt and bitter".
vs. "You are an insensitive jerk."
"I feel afraid."
vs. "You are driving like a idiot."
2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that
Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)
3. Take responsibility for their feelings. "I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous."
4. Use their feelings to help them make decisions. "How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't"
5. Show respect for other people's feelings. They ask "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't."
6. Feel energized, not angry. They use what others call "anger" to help them feel energized to take productive action.
7. Validate other people's feelings. They show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.
8. Practice getting a positive value from their negative emotions. They ask themselves: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?" They ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"
9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others. They realize it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of such behavior, so they avoid it.
10. Avoid people who invalidate them, or don't respect their feelings. As much as possible, they choose to associate only with other people with high EQ.