Friday, February 15, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Second Sunday in Lent

Second Sunday in Lent
Genesis 12:1-4a
Psalm 121 (Ps. 121:1, 2)
Romans 4:1-5, 13-17
John 3:1-17



All
of the readings for this weekend have been translated!

Genesis 12:1-4a
Ceiling Cat sez stuff to Abram

1 Ceiling Cat sais to Abram, gowai.
2 Ceiling Cat sais I can mek u famous on teh interwebs and u mek teh babiez and stuffs.
3 I leik dem who leik u, an I DO NOT WANT! dem who DO NOT WANT! you, and I liekd the south africa and the Iraq cuz you leik.
4 Abram n Lot gowai, and dey are old and stuffs.

Psalm 121

1 A song to goez big up. I lookz upz at da big hillsez, I can has halps?
2 Yes I can haz halps, from Ceiling Cat, doer of Ceiling and Urf
3 He not let ur paw slipz, he not sleepz
4 Protektor of All Kittehs no sleepies no dreamies
5 Ceiling Cat ur protektor, He is ur shadows from da windowsill, He is ur right paw
6 In day, sun no make u go bai, moon not make u go bai either
7 Ceiling Cat make u safez from badness, He protektz ur invisible self
8 Celing Cat protektz ur in and ur out, forevaz!

Romans 4:1-5, 13-17
So, about Abraham

1 So what did Abraham finded out about dis?
2 If he had gotted rid of hiz Invisible Errors by sumthin he did, dat wuz sumthin to brag about. Not to Ceiling Cat tho.
3 What duz teh Bible say? "Abraham beleevdid Ceiling Cat, an Ceiling Cat gived him credit for it."
4 When u work, u getz paid. Datz not a gift, itz what u iz owed.
5 But if sum d00d duzint work but jus trustz Ceiling Cat, he getz credit for beleevin.
6 Liek David says:
7 "U getz cheezburgr
if Ceiling Cat forgivz u for doin rong,
if ur Invisible Errorz iz taekn caer of.
8 U getz cheezburgr
if Ceiling Cat desiedz to ingor ur Invisible Errorz."
9 Duz uncircmsiezded peeplz get cheezburgr, or just circumsieded peeplz? We sed dat Ceiling Cat gived Abraham credit for beleevin.
10 But when did dat happn? Wuz it aftr hiz forskin wuz cuttid off, or bfor? Bfor LOL!
11 Havin hiz forskin cuttid off wuz a simbl of hiz faith. Dat meenz he iz teh daddi of evribodi who bleevz an stil haz a forskin.
12 An also teh daddi of teh peepl who duzint haz a forskin an bleev what he bleevd whiel he stil had hiz. k?
13 Ceiling Cat tolded Abrahm an hiz kittnz dat dey wud run teh wrld bcz beleevn maeded dem good.
14 Bcz if teh popo on ur side jus bcz thay liek ur parintz, den beleevn equalz zeero cookies, so Ceiling Cat's resipe iz jus dum,
15 cuz teh lawz iz cookie taek awai. N whre theyre iz no popo, they iz no cookie taek away.
16 K so resipe iz in inbox if u beleev adn all Abrahmz kittenz gets it 4 free, evn if you popo or Abraham kat. Bcz Abraham iz evry1z dad kat.
17 It wuz wroted: "I haz maed you dad kat of mani breedz." He iz owr dad kat, adn teh Ceiling Cat iz lookin bcz Abruham beleevd in Ceiling Cat—teh kat thet raizes ded kats frm kat cmetery adn sayz "Thatz a dog!" whne itz rly a kat.

John 3:1-17
Jesus Lernz Nicoteneus

1 Naow dis guy Nicoteneus iz a lvl 64 Pharisee and leeds teh Je\/\/s.
2 He comez to teh Jesus in teh nites and he sez "We knoes u comez frum teh Ceiling Cat and we knoes u pwn."
3 An Jesus sed, "Ceiling Cat has invisible haus, u gots 2 borned agen 2 see it."
4 Nicoteneus sez, "wtf d00d? How doez dat werk?"
5 Jesus sez, "is da truth, u hafta be born agen wif waterz an spiritz an stuffs.
6 Flesh givez birf 2 flesh, but teh spirit gives birf to spirit, k?
7 Y r u so konfoozled?
8 Is lyke wind, it doz its own stufs an u dunno how it werks, but is all ok, amirite? Is like that!"
9 Nicoteneus sez, "I doez not get it." :(
10 "Den ur not gud teecher," sed Jesus. "Lez flame tnak his b4se!"
11 "Ok, iz da twoof. We says sum stuff dat we sawed, and teh peeplez is still konfoozled.
12 I ben talkin bout teh stuffs on urf and ur still lyke, 'whut?' so whut bout Ceiling an stuffs?
13 I iz da only wan whos gone to Heaven so u haves 2 trusts me, mkay?
14 I gots 2 b lifteded up lyke Moses an his snakedy thingy,
15 coz if u beleeves ur not gon be ded! Eternal lifes, u can has it!
16 So liek teh Ceiling Cat lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u me only kitteh and ifs u beleevs in him u wont evr diez no moar, k?'
17 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat not snd hiz son 2 take all yur cookies, but so u cud maek moar cookies 4EVAR!

Bonnie an Victor bow dem heads in prayer.
Mayb cuz da plant, it ded. kthx.

HALP!
We hope to have many other Holy Kitties featured this year.
Please e-mail your photo, caption and link to me at

If you would like to help translate for the LOL Cat Bible,
please go here.

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging #141 Samantha Black & Tigger
at Life From a Cat’s Perspective
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post
in the comments for the weekend roundup)


Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos #32
SnotFace & Merlin Kitchen at Bad Kitty Cats Journal
Optional Theme — Valentine’s Edition
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats #205
Mind of Mog on Sunday Evening
(submit your post here)

1 comment:

  1. So, dis cookie I haz, is it da cookie frum da Ceiling Cat, or is it not dat cookie, but a bad cookie? Or worst, is it invisible cookie so I furgets ware I lefted it?
    kthx
    PS What a cute pictor!

    ReplyDelete

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