Friday, February 29, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fourth Sunday in Lent


Fourth Sunday in Lent

1 Samuel 16:1-13
Psalm 23 (Ps. 23:5)
Ephesians 5:8-14
John 9:1-41



1 Samuel 16:1-13

1. Ceiling Cat tellded Samuel "u can has no mar teerz. Saul not be down wit Israel. U can finded Jesse in Bethlehemville, his sun gunna be da Kingz. Here take dis oluvejuse"
2. Samuell sais "OMG!!!1! Saul will maek me ded" and Ceiling Cat sez "Taek di moocows and make it ded for Ceiling Cat"
3. "It can be ded moocown partiez time and Jesse can come too. You make Jesse da kingz"
4. Samuel did what Ceiling cat tolded him 2. All the Bethlehemvillians d00dz were scareded.
5. Samuel invited dem all to ded moocow partiez.
6 Wen dey arrivd, Samuel seez Eliab n thot, "Srsly, the Ceiling Catz annointed standz here before the Ceiling Cat. Dis d00dz is teh 1337ness!"
7 But Ceiling Cat sed to Samuel, "DO NOT WANT. Ceiling Cat iz inside u ppl, lookin at ur heartz."
8. Samuel seez Abinadab and thot "di d00dz are made of win!" But Ceiling cat telded Samuel that Abinidab was failz.
9. Shammah can has rejekshuns 2.
10. Jesse bringded all 7 of hiz suns and dey all has rejekshuns.
11. Jesse be running out of opshuns. But Jesse haz one more sun...only a babiez.
12. Samuel sez "w00t!"
13. Samuel poorded the oluvejuse on David and Ceiling Cat gaev Cheezburger to David, leik infinate cheezeburger! Win!

PSALM 23

1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.)
He givz me evrithin I need.
2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot
an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.
3 He makez mai soul happi
an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.
4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch,
bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.
5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn.
He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.
6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai
an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.

John 9:1-25

1 An as JebusCat pasd by, he saw man which wuz blind frum his birf.
2 An his disciplez askd him, sayin, mastah, hoo did sin, dis man, or his parents, dat he wuz birfd blind?
3 JebusCat anzwerd, neithr dis man sinnd, nor his parents: but dat teh werkz ov Ceilin Cat shud be made manifest in him.
4 I must werk teh werkz ov him dat sent me, while it dai: teh nite comez, when no man can werk.
5 As long as im in da wurld, I r light ov teh wurld.
6 When he had sed dat, he spat hairball on teh ground, an made clay ov teh spittle, an he anointd teh eyez ov teh blind man wif teh clay,
7 an sed unto him, go, wash in da pool ov Siloam, (which iz by interpretashun, sent.) He went his wai, an washd, an came seein. Rad.
8 Teh neighbors, an they which before had seen him dat he wuz blind, sed, WTF? Iz not dis he dat sat an beggd?
9 Sum sed, dis ar teh he: others sed, he iz liek him: but he sed, im he!
10 Therefore sed they unto him, OMG, How wuz ur eyez opend?
11 He anzwerd and sed, Man dat iz called JebusCat made clay, an anontd mine eyez, an sed 2 me go 2 teh pool ov Siloam, an wash: An I went an washd, an I receivd sight.
12 Den sed they 2 him, wer iz he? He sed, I knoe not.
13 They brought 2 teh Fariseez him dat wuz blind.
14 An it wuz teh sabbath dai when JebusCat made teh clay, an opend his eyez.
15 Den again teh Fariseez also askd him how he had receivd his sight. He sed 2 them, he put clay on mine eyez, an I wash, an do C.
16 Therefore sed sum ov teh Fariseez, dis man iz not ov Ceilin Cat, cuz he keepz not teh sabbath dai. Others sed, how can man dat iz sinnr do such miraclez? An thar wuz divishun among them.
17 They sayz 2 teh blind man again, wut sayz u ov him, dat he opend ur eyez? He sed, he iz profet. He pwnz.
18 But teh JewCats did not bleev concernin him, dat he had been blind, an receivd his sight, til they calld teh parents ov him dat had receivd his sight.
19 An they askd them, sayin, doodz, iz dis ur son, hoo ye say wuz born blind? WTF? How den duz he nao C?
20 His parents anzwerd dem an sed, we knoe dat dis ar teh r son, an dat he wuz born blind:
21 But by wut meanz he nao seez, we knoe not; or hoo haz opend his eyez, we knoe not: he iz ov age; ask him: he shall speek 4 him.
22 Thees werdz spaek his parents, cuz they feard teh JewCats: 4 da JewCats had agred already, dat if any man did confes dat he wuz Christ, he shud be put out ov teh synagogue an cant has cheezburger.
23 Therefore sed his parents, he iz ov age, ask him.
24 Den again calld they teh man dat wuz blind, an sed unto him, giv Ceilin Cat teh praize: we knoe dat dis man iz sinnr.
25 He anzwerd an sed, whethr he be sinnr or no, I knoe not: wan ting I knoe, dat, I wuz blind, nao I C. Word.

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HALP!
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From LOL Cat Bible:
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Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
#143 Mar 1-2: Mog and Meowza at Mind of Mog
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post
in the comments for the weekend roundup)


Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos Edition 34 • 03-02-2008
Chandra & Samantha at New Tuxedo Gang Hideout
Optional Theme - Favorite Game
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats #207
is going to Grace & Kittens
Sunday Evening 3/2/2008
(submit your post here)

1 comment:

  1. If the pope could speak english and would read the cat bible I am sure he would have more success then now, lol !
    Arthur has to help Rosie in the kitchen !

    ReplyDelete

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