Friday, March 07, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fifth Sunday in Lent

Fifth Sunday in Lent

Ezekiel 37:1-14
Psalm 130 (Ps. 130:5)
Romans 8:6-11
John 11:1-45





These are the verses of today's readings that have been translated:

Psalm 130

1 Dis place wuz teh suck so i wuz like "o hai Ceiling Cat"
2 Den i wuz all like "oi Ceiling Cat dun be afk coz i is lyk askin stufz"
3 Ceiling Cat if u iz all lyk postal cos of invisible error, iz we all fuxored?
4 But Ceiling Cat stil can giv cheezburgr if we sayz u pwn
5 I brb til Ceiling Cat sez i can has cheezburgr
6 Nvm i afk now, lyk idler in helpz room, til Ceiling Cat msg me
7 All kittehs afk waitn 4 cheezburgz cos Ceiling Cat can giv cheezburgr n Ceiling Cat giv cheezburgr to kittehs wiv invisble error
8 Wen Ceiling Cat bak from afk Ceiling Cat wil be all lyk "o hai kittehs, bout dat invisible error, lyk nvm, watevah"

Romans 8: 1-17
Laif an Spirit (teh Invisible Cat)

1 OK so, derz no empty bowlz iff youse chasin teh Ceiling Cat,
2 cuz teh rulez abowtz Invisible Errors and dirtnappin', thai's diffrnt now an Christ Jebus chainjed thems to teh rulez uf teh Spirit.
3 Fur wat judge judy kant duz (shes got week neez), Ceiling Catz did wen he wuz mailin baby kittn Jebus to us, an disguys him inna Invisible Error meatz, so he lookz leik all da utter peepols.
4 So dat wen yu ar chasin teh Ceiling Cat, yu kan be livin by teh Spirit, teh Invisible Cat.
5 Fur deyz who bin chasin meatz duz moar Invisible Errors; but iff dey bin chasin Invisible Catz den dey eated Invisible cheezbrgz, srsly.
6 Iff yu sinful, an chasin meatz, an stuff, dats dirtnappin, but eated Invisible cheezbrgs, dats liek comfy chair an blanket by teh fireplaze.
7 Cauze Invisible Errors maiks Ceiling Cat koff furballz: dose peepul kant obey Ceiling Cat and his rulez.
8 Demz dat chasin meatz, an stuff, maikz big furballz inna Ceiling Cat.
9 You iz nawt chasin meatz iff teh Invisible Cat iz in yur furz, cuz u be livn by teh Spirit. An if sumwon dun hav teh Invisible Cat, he dunno teh Baby Jeebus.
10 An iffn yu no Baby Jebus, youse ded cauz Invisible Error; but ur spirit, liek teh Invisible Catz, is dancin cauz uv goody two-pawz.
11 See cuz Ceiling Cat, he maded Baby Jebus alive aftur he dyd wif teh Invisible Cat. And dat saem Invisible Cat kan maik youse alive too, an givs yu Invisible meatz, see kthxbai.
12 Lissenup, brudder catz, we dun haz to chase affer meatz.
13 Iffn youse liv dat way, an dance wit teh meatz, youse ded: but iffn youse Invisible RAWR atta meatz-chasin, youse not ded.
14 Invisible Cat rulz, srsly, an can maiks u kittnz uv Ceiling Cat.
15 Yu invisible kitty, in yu, it shoodent be fraid; but choo 'dopted Invisible Cat an u can meow-meow, "Abba, Big Daddy Cat."
16 Invisible Cat seez our own invisible kitty, an sez we be kitnz uv Ceiling Cat:
17 An kittnz, den der kittnz; kittnz uv Ceiling Cat, an der kittnz of Jebus; Iffn we getz bit anna poked inna eyez, den webe brudderz poked inna eyez togeddr, RAWR srsly.

John 11: 1-36, 41-43

1 In teh hometown uf Mary, thar wuz a dood, LOLrus, who wuz way sick. All sick liek he ated 2 much cheezburgerz.
2 You no, teh Mry who was liek "Jesus, yur feet totally need 2 be washed." But she had no n4pkinz so then she liek wipes wif hur hair.
3 An the doods sistars went 2 find Jesus, n were liek "This wat kewl dood is all sickn stuff."
4 Jesus liek heard wut they sed he wuz all liek "Dis is for teh glory of Cieling Cat, cuz liek I can has glory."
5 Jesus lieked teh dood n hiz sistars.
6 N he totally took his sweet time getting ready, liek 2 whole days.
7 Then Jesus sayz "Roadtrip 2 Joodea."
8 But hiz peeps were all liek "O Jesus, last time we was ther they was totally not kewl."
9 So Jesus let 'em have it. "I can has travel by day.
10 If I can has travel at night, I can has sprained ankle."
11 Jesus w4s all liek "Mah dood Lolrus has naptime. We go, n wake mah dood."
12 But teh peeps were all liek "If he's nappin this would be way easy."
13 How come for they didn't get it that Jesus wuz talkin bout def ?
14 So Jesus stopped talkin all pretty wif teh metafors n teh similes and he sed "Lolrus is dead n stuff.
15 N I am liek all glad I wuz not der, but I is here, so you can liek beleaf. So, lez go."
16 Then teh peep named Thomas who wuz called teh twin, cuz he all looks liek Jesus, was all liek "Yo, lezgo to be with teh dead Lolrus n we can all be liek ded 2."
17 When Jesus fnally got der he wuz in teh grave for liek three or five days.
18 N teh city wuz all close to teh nayborhood.
19 N lots of doods n jews has came to talk to teh sistars.
20 Then when theys hearded that Jesus was thar, Martha went 2 meet em, but Mary stayed home.
21 So liek Martha saw Jesus n says "You r late,
22 but I no Ceiling Cat will totally listen to you."
23 So Cheesus says "Your dood will has his bucket."
24 Martha was all liek "His bucket will wait in heavun."
25 But Cheesus was all "No no no, I can has a bucket. N if u believe, you 2 can has a bucket."
26 "N liek if u can has bucket, u can no has def, if you can has beleaf in Cheesus. Do you dig ?"
27 Martha totally was liek "I can has beleaf. N I no that you are totally the kitteh of teh Ceiling Cat."
28 So Martha totally went to her sistar and said "Cheesus axed 4 u." Which he totally hadnt.
29 N Mary was all liek "dood!" n ran to Cheesus.
30 He wasnt thar yet,
31 but teh doods n joos wer liek "Lookit her runnin to pray for Lolrus."
32 But when Mary founded Cheesus she was all about "You iz 2 l8."
33 Den Cheesus saweded her cryin an teh Jews dat com wit her wer also cryin and Cheesus wuz all sadz and stufs.
34 "Wer did yu lai him?" Cheesus askeded. "Com here and yu can see too," dey sed bac.
35 Cheesus crieded. Not jus litle teers, no. he crieded big teers. Cuz Lolrus was ded an stufs an everywun luved him, even Cheesus. Cheesus trieded to wipe his teers awai wit his pawz but teh teers kept comin and comin and everywun saweded that as dey were cryin too. Everywun was cryin an sad. Yesh. Srsly. Yu mite criez too! It's okai, cryin is okay. Everywun can criez. Cheesus wepted.
36 An teh Jews sawded this an sed, "See! He luffs hum too!"

41 So they moved teh stone. And Cheesus looked up and sed, "Thanx fur listnin', Ceiling Cat!.
42 I know you heerz me, but dese peeps hangin' round don't belief in me. Ima show 'em."
43 He sed dese tings, den he yelleded: "Oh hai! I upgraded ur Lolrus!".

Humorous Pictures

HALP!
We hope to have many other Holy Kitties featured this year.
Please e-mail your photo, caption and link to me at
From LOL Cat Bible:
lolcatbible was mentioned on the Popular Science website! Awesome.
I can haz halp plz? Plz go here.

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging #144 is being held by
Pet & Tigger at Pet’s Garden Blog
(see this week’s host to enter your WCB
the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos Edition 35 • 03-09-2008 •
Astrid & Kashim & Othello at The Catboys Realm
Optional Theme - LOL Cat Edition
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats #208 - Sunday evening 3-09-2008
held by Rocky at Artsy-Catsy
(submit your post here)

1 comment:

  1. I more and more regret that the cat bible doesn't exist in french ! I am sure people would go to church again if the priest would speak like this, lol ! (Belgium is a catholic country) For the time being, the church complains because nobody goes to church anymore except elderly people and very few others.
    I have Rosie who discovered snow for this WCB !

    ReplyDelete

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