Friday, April 25, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Sixth Sunday of Easter

Sixth Sunday of Easter

Acts 17:22-31
Psalm 66:8-20 (Ps. 66:8)
1 Peter 3:13-22
John 14:15-21

Acts 17:22-31

22 Den Paul gotz ups en frunt ov teh meetings an sedz "Oh hai peeps! Yuz al reel riligus. Yuz be prayin to al kidns ov stufz
23 Yuz evn prayin to sum unnown Ceiling Cat. Buts litsens ups Iz learns yu teh trufs! Srsly!!!"
24 "Ceiling Cat made teh hows an evryting ins itz! Him is teh Lords ov teh Ceiling an teh Urth. Teh Ceiling Cat no liv in templ buildz bai cats.
25 Ceiling Cat no needz us servings Him wit r pawz. Dats cuz teh Ceiling Cat givid us lif, teh cheezburger an teh cookie to eated an evryting els in the Urth!!
26 Him maked al teh catz frum one cat. Al teh Minxez an teh Tabbyz an teh Saimez. An teh Ceiling Cat sez teh whenz an teh werz we iz liv.
27 Teh Ceiling Cat donez so we iz looked for himz!! An is trai to fainds hims!!
28 Sum ov teh rymin peeps sedz we is Hims Kittehs."
29 "Cuz wez teh Ceiling Cats kittehs He no looks leik goldz, silbur, or evens cheezburger! Teh Ceiling Cat iz lookz leik kittehs!!! (Dats wai dey calls him Ceiling CAT!)
30 Ceiling Cat used no car wut us tink. Buts now Ceiling Cat do not want!!!!
31 Teh Ceiling Cat sedz himz gona judge we sum dai. An Judge mai sownd leik fudge but iz nt az fun r delishus. Ceiling Cat is giv us proof bai bringin teh ded kittehs bak to liv!"

Psalm 66

Purr to teh Ceiling cat, O urf
2 Meow hims naem laik u meanz it
3 Tellz teh Ceiling Cat, "U r teh pwnz, Srsly!
4 evrybody lowerz himz tail in rspekt fur uz dey al seyz uz a rly graet doodz"
5 Haz u seen al teh awsumage of teh Ceiling Cat? him haelps al teh kittehs
6 Him splitzed teh see wen teh DO NOT WANT!!1! en teh Izrelites walkd on teh grownd. Us shood meow himz good naem
7 wif himz pwnage him r owner ob teh wurld himz ais r big laik it were nait, him sees bof teh ninja kittehs en pirate kittehs

1 Peter 3: 13-22

13 And who will steal ur bukkit if u leik Ceiling Cat?
14 But even if some stuff is teh sux, u can has chzburgurz from Ceiling Cat.
15 Make sure that if ppl r leik wtf? U tell them bout Ceiling Cat
16 and remember Ceiling Cat gives u cookies and chzburgurz if they r like “lol, o rly? U sux.”
17 But its better to b told u sux and leik Ceiling Cat, cuz he has chzburgurz and win.
18 Jeebus was once in the same spot, srsly,
19 but he went and sed “hai, Ceiling Cat pwns” to prizners
20 who were leik the ppl who weren’t cool leik Noah and teh ppl on his boat.
21 Teh water of baptizim saves us and gives us chance for chzburgurz thru Jeebus
22 who went to hang wit Ceiling Cat.

John 14: 1-14
Jesus give kittehs cheezburgerz

1 "No gots 2 wori, K? Gots ta trust in Ceiling Cat; also trust in me. Ceiling Cat's house got many sofas; kitteh woud no lie! I go 2 fix u sofa K?"
3 I wants to has partee wif u.
4 I do go catwalk; yu knowz catwalk too.
5 Thomcat saiz:"We do not know wher yu walk, how do we knoe teh catwalk?"
6 Jebus say "oh hai. i m teh way n teh truf n teh life. no one can has walkin da catwalk wif Ceiling Cat wifout me."
7 If u knowz Me, u knowz Ceiling Cat.
8 Philippus: If u show us Ceiling Cat, ten we r happycats.
9 Jebus say "scuse me? U iz not knowin me? U seez me, you seez Ceiling Cat. Y u not getz it?
10 I iz curled up insides Ceiling Cat an Ceiling Cat is curled up insides me. Ceiling Cat iz talkin and workin when Iz talkin and workin.
11 Dont y'all c mirakllz? If u can't bliev ma wordz u can still bliev mirakllz.
12 An gess wat. I haz rly gud deel fr y'all. Y'alls can do same stuff Iz doin wit powr of Ceiling Cat. BTW, y'all can do evan bettr stuff cause I goin back to Ceiling Cat soon. (BRB.)
13 Wen I goez back to Ceiling Cat, u say "In Jebus' name" an I do all stuffs for u! Den Ceiling Cat getz all praise from all kittehs!
14 Ask me anything! Chek it out, d00d! Cause I doez it fr u!

Ceiling Cat? Are you up there?

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator
(submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging #151 Apr 26-27
Katie and Puddy at A Byootaful Life
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post
in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos at Pet’s Garden Blog
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats is going to 4/27/08 #215
Diamond Emerald-Eyes at House Panthers
(submit your post here)

1 comment:

  1. I'm a fan of lolspeak and love these lectionary readings. you're awesome.


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