Friday, August 29, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost

Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost
Isaiah 51:1-6
Psalm 138 (Ps. 138:8)
Romans 12:1-8
Matthew 16:13-20
Semicontinuous series
Exodus 1:8—2:10
Psalm 124 (Ps. 124:7)
Romans 12:1-8
Matthew 16:13-20

Psalm 138

1 O hai! Ceiling Cat, hai lotz an lotz; hai evn afront of othr Ceiling d00dz
2 I iz all abowt rollin ovah in front of yur howse an sayn ur naem cuz yu are sweet an yur naem iz kewl!
3 When I sed yur naem, yu can haz anser; Iz can not haz scaredz
4 Yu should haz othr d00dz say yur naem. srsly, Ceiling Cat, cuz them hearded yu purringz
5 Othr d00dz shud singz abowt yur stuffz; cuz yu are kewl!
6 Ceiling Cat iz real hie up and him lookz at short peepel; but him noes them d00dz that not haz cheezburger evn wen them iz liek a millyun mielz away
7 I can haz lotz of troubel, but yu cleen my littah boxz, yu giev teh fingah to d00dz dat no liek me, and yur riet paw is teh kewlest
8 Ceiling Cat will alwaez cleen my littah boxz; Ceiling Cat, yur kewlness will last long tiem. Srsly. Plz dont forget to cleen mah littah boxz an giv me cheezburger an stuff.

Romans 12: 1-8

1 n im telln u, cuz Ceiling Cat pwns, u shld giv him ur boddeez, cuz he liek dem, n dis way ur liek "Ceiling Cat pwns", dats wut we do.
2 dont b liek "l00k @ me im liek teh urthz im a n00b", but b liek teh Transformers by recycling ur mind. den u cn do wut Ceiling Cat wants, cuz Ceiling Cat's will is liek "wrd!"
3 i getz 2 say this cuz i has cheezburgerz: don't b liek "l00k @ me I pwn," cuz only n00bs say dat about der SELFS. ur spozd 2 b humble, n let Ceiling Cat do teh praisn.
4 k so its just liek wen u has 1 boddee, but its got lotz of fun stuffs on it to play wth n stuff,
5 so wer liek teh partz of Christs boddee. n we all pwn each othr, but in a good way.
6 peepz gets diffrnt Supr Powrs. if u c teh future, dats awsum. rox dat.
7 n if ur teh servr or teh leechr, rox dat 2.
8 n if ur spozd 2 b a cheerleedr or a guy wit munneez or a leadr or wutever, just b awsum and pwn wutever ur thing is.

Matthew 16: 13-20
I Can Has Messiah???

13 when jesus came 2 teh region ov caesarea filippi, he askd his disciplez, "hoo do peeps say teh son ov man iz?"
14 they replid, "sum say john teh baptist; others say Elikhat; an still others, jeremiah or wan ov teh profets."
15 "but wut bout u?" he askd. "hoo do u say im?"
16 simon petr anzwerd, "u r teh mesiah, teh son ov teh livin ceilin cat."
17 jesus replid, "blesd r u, simon son ov jonah, 4 dis wuz not reveald 2 u by flesh an blood, but by mah fathr in heaven.
18 an i tell u dat u r petr, [b] an on dis rawk im gonna build mah church, an teh gatez ov death [c] will not overcome it.
19 im gonna giv u teh keys ov teh kingdom ov heaven; whatevr u bind on earth will be [d] bound in heaven, an whatevr u loose on earth will be [e] loosd in heaven."
20 den he orderd his disciplez not 2 tell anyone dat he wuz teh mesiah.

Exodus 1: 8 - 2: 10

8 An some othar guy wuz liek, lol I am Kinng of Egypt. Whose is Joseph? Dont even no.
9 King sayed to hiz peeps: Yo. Look at teh Ibruz are lots of em.
10 We gotta stops em an take thear cheezburger. Or els theyll takes our cheezburger, srsly.
11 An he gived them too muchly werk to do. An wuz liek, mek teh citeis! Wif treasurz!
12 But teh Ibruz alredy knoed where penis goes. An wer liek, yay babis. But boo, worrk.
13 An Egyptianz were like, work hardr!
14 An Egyptianz werr liek, Srsly, do all teh work for us. An work hardr.
15 An Egyptking wuz liek, yo babyladies, who mayke babies cum out.
16 Wen therz a boy jew, kill him. Wen therz a girl jew, kept them sose I can mack them. Kthxbye.
17 But babyladies sayed to selvs, teh Ceiling Cat wont like. An they didnt.
18 An the King he saied, WHUT?
19 An they syad to him, lady Jews dont even need us fur babes. They iz liek, nah. (O, an BTW, ur lady Egyptianz iz laemerer.)
20 Ceiling Cat wuz liek to babyladies, yu cann hav cheezburgers.
21 An buckets.
22 Then teh King wuz liek, evrone lissen up! All teh boy jws go in teh rivr, k? let dey b pwntand the cat wuz lyke kk in teh river they go rofl chuck cheez burgerz of there hedz then go river big rofl they dezerve it they are noobz.

Princess findz Moses in a bukket
in teh rievr (Ex 2:5).

Birthin teh Moses

1 Sum guye wented to Levi's place an marryed hiz doter.
2 An the doter hd a bayby who wuz a boi so she hided himm.
3 So she decided to do wot Pharo saied an put hm in teh rievr but she maded a bukkit fur him sos he woudt drounz. An she sed pharo is liek rly laem 4 tellz us puts babyz in teh river An not sais u no can has bukkitz lol st00pid pharo.
4 An his big sis miriam wuz tehr 2 An she hided An wotched him flote awai an she like kthxbai. An teh crocodielz An teh lolrusz did not eated him. wich wuz good cuz if dey did tehr wudnt b no mor storyz An htis wud b rly short bibul.
5 An teh Princess was nekkid in ur riiver havin baffs cuz she rly liekd baffs and sawed teh widdle babie and gotted him out.
6 An teh baby cryd, an Princess wuz liek whoah. A Hebruw. An he iz teh cute 2. WANT!!!!!!!!!
7 An miriam wuz teh rly smrt kidz An she sayd shoud I gett a Hebruwe to takes caer ov it?
8 An Princes she wuz liyk, yeah. so miriam wentd bak 2 her momcats base An sed woah mom, teh princess is finded my kid bro An she is wants hebroo momcat to taeks care of him An u can goes 2 princessz base An do dat An how kewl iz htat?
9 Princess wuz Phoaro's daoter, btw, srsly. An she sed to teh Heberw ladie who wuz rly teh babyz momcat u can has a money 4 bein babysitr An she sed k. cuz Herbbwe layde wuz liek, whoa its my baby. Only she dint sai it ot lowd.
10 An wen he wuz grone up, Princess wuz sayed, Ur naym is Moses, srsly. cuz she sed i meanz i took u out ov teh riverz An stuf.

Psalm 124

1 Ceiling Cat beez on our side
2 Cuz if he nots and badcats attak us.
3 Dey wuld haf angr and dey wuld eated all our cookiez. Srsy.
4 Teh flood wuld haf eated us!
5 Teh waturz wuld haf takeded us awayz. Oh noes!
6 Yay Ceiling Cat! j00 dun let us get eateded by deh teef!
7 We escapded lik a littl burd and gotten away wit deh cheezburgers!
8 Tank j00 Ceiling Cat. j00 roxorz!

more cat pictures

My apologies for being one week late with the Readings for last week. School started and it's been hectic. I promise to try to do better in the future!


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