Saturday, November 08, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Twenty-sixth Sunday after Pentecost

Twenty-sixth Sunday after Pentecost
Amos 5:18-24
Psalm 70 (Ps. 70:5)
or Wisdom of Solomon 6:12-16
Wisdom of Solomon 6:17-20 (Wis. 6:17)
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
Matthew 25:1-13
Semicontinuous series
Joshua 24:1-3a, 14-25
Psalm 78:1-7 (Ps. 78:4)
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
Matthew 25:1-13

These are the verses that have been translated as of today:

18 Ceiling Cat watchez in dark moar than lite.
19 But i's alwayz see yous when you does it.
20 Ceiling Cat mite watch in dark if he has no frends.
21 You all has a flavor. Ceiling Cat does not want.
22 I has seen some of your prezints. Are not so gret, aktualy.
23 DO NOT WANT yure muszics either.
24 But Ceiling Cat has frends with Wrichus Cat. But only if Wrichus Cat is Wrichus.

Psalm 70
For teh Musik Makr d00d. Ov David. A petishun.

1 Hury up, Oh Ceiling Cat, yu helps me;
O Ceiling Cat, srsly, IZ NEEDS HELP!.

Yu maeks dem all confuzzled liek;
an teh wuns hoo wunt tu RUIN ME;
yu maeks dem ashamed.

3 An fr teh kittehs hoo sayz, "Aha! Yu didz it!"
yu maeks dem ashamed tu.

4 So liek Al who seek U;
say, "oh hai u is teh greatzest!!!1;
so then liek all who siek ur halp will get teh cheezburgers.

5 So sadz I have no more cheezburgerz;
Ceiling cat cum quick!
U iz mai halp and fastest at it.
Plz no delay, Ceiling cat maek teh qyckiness.!121!!!oh hai!

1 Where iz ur luvr,
pretti ladi?
Which wai did he go,
so we canz look for him?

2 Mai luvr wented down to teh gardin,
where teh plantz iz growin,
to hang around
an pick flowrz.
3 I am hiz an he iz mien;
he iz hangin out wif teh flowrz LOL.

4 U iz as pretti as Tirzah,
as pretti az Jerusalem,
liek an armi marchin around.
5 Doant look at me,
itz too much LOL.
Ur hair iz liek goatz
comin down teh mountn.
6 Ur teeth iz liek sheep
dat just hadded abaff.
Dey iz all twinz,
bcz u haz all ur teethz.
7 Ur butt
is liek a peach.
8 Dere is sixti queenz,
an eighti othr ladiez,
an lotz of virjinz
9 but u iz wun of a kiend,
ur motherz only dauter
ur motherz favrit.
Teh ladiez sez "She haz cheezburgr";
teh queenz iz liek "U iz so cool."

10 Who is this shini cat,
shini an pretti,
liek teh starz?

11 I wented down to teh nut treez
to look at teh babi plantz,
to see if dere wuz budz
or flowrz.
12 Befor i knowed what wuz happenin,
i wuz so horni i gotted in teh car LOL.

13 Com back, Shulammite;
come backso we can look at u!

Why wud u look at teh Shulammite
liek teh dansin of Mahanaim?

13 Bros, we wantz u to know about teh ded catz so u not b n00bz.
14 We kno taht baby Jebus taek teh invisible escalator after he haz ded, n so we believe ded catz will 2.
15 We who iz still alive don go first wen baby Jebus taek invisible escalator 2nd tiem. Teh ded catz will.
16 4 baby Jebus taek invisible escalator down from ceiling, n maek lotz of noise n all teh ded catz will come out of teh groun n taek teh invisible escalator 2. We're in ur urf re-animatin ur corpses.
17 After dat, teh lolcats taht still livin taek invisible escalator 2 ceiling. Up in teh air wif all tohse ded catz. omgwtfbbq. But we b wif baby Jebus n dat makez us teh happycatz.
18 So u be happy bout floatin aroun wif all teh ded catz even tho tahts so weird. kthxbye.

Matthew 25: 1-13
Teh Story of teh 10 Gurlz

1 "At that tyme the couch of the cieling will be like 10 gurlz who can has some flashlites and go meetz teh man at teh door.
2 5 wur stoopid and 5 wur not stoopid.
3 Teh stoopid gurlz gotz flashlites, but no baterys.
4 Teh not stoopid onez brot baterys.
5 Teh man wuz gonna be rly late, n tey al took a nap.
6 "In teh night some dood yelld: 'It's teh man! Go meets him!'
7 "Then al teh gurlz wok up n turnd on teh flashlites.
8 Teh stoopid gurlz said to teh not stoopid gurlz: 'I can has ur baterys? Mine r dead.'
9 "'No' teh not stoopid gurlz said 'These r mah baterys! Go buys some.'
10 "But wile tey wur gone buyin teh baterys, teh man arived. Teh not stoopid gurlz went in wit teh man to his crib to parteh n tey close teh door.
11 "Latr teh stoopid gurlz came. 'Dood!' tey said 'We r outsid r door, waitin for u to let us in!'
12 "But teh man said 'Who r u? Go away, this is mah parteh!'
13 "So keep redy for teh couch of the cieling, cus u don't kno wen Jebus is comin bak.

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  1. What a great idea. I really enjoyed this post.

  2. I loved it but don't you get a lot of hatemail about this sort of thing?

  3. Oh good, I've had my dose of the Lolcat Bible. Thanks Andree.


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