Friday, December 05, 2008

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Second Sunday of Advent

The Second Sunday of Advent
Isaiah 40:1-11
Psalm 85:1-2, 8-13
2 Peter 3:8-15a
Mark 1:1-8

1 "Make no cry, make no cry muh peeps" sayz ur Celing Cat.
2 Talk to a da heart of Ceiling Cat's city and meow at her, cuz she's all feeded and fullz, cuz her badcatness iz finished and she away! from Ceiling Cat's paw 2x for her badcatness.
3 Big meow say, "Inna da big catbox outside wif da sandz, make way for Ceiling Cat!, make wild place be goodkittehz, a BIG road for Ceiling Cat."
4 Big up every dippy hill place, every hill and big get small, not smoof land get smoof and close hill get faaaaaar.
5 And Ceiling Cat's goodnesses will shows! and all peeps together will see Ceiling Cat's mouf talkin.
6 Another cat that me not see say "Meow! and I sayz "Meow what? "All pplz r grassez n all its cheezburgers r like pretty flower.
7 Grassez get dryz and go bai, flower go bai 2, cuz Ceiling Cat blowzed on dem; all da peeps iz grassez 2!
8 Grassez get dryz, flower go bai but Celing Cat's werds lif foreva!
9 Go up on big pile of laundriez, marked of Ceiling Cat's home scratchin post, meow reeel loud, marked of Ceiling Cat's city, meow louda, no scare; tells cities of Celing Cat's catdom, "Oh hai! Hail ur Celing Cat!"
10 Lookz! Celing Cat comes wif strong pawz, da rule for him; lookz! his cheezburgerz for da peeps r wif him and his catnipz 2!
11 Like mama cat wif her kittehs, wif his paw takez upz f00dz and carries them orf, feedin the lil kittehs on da way

Psalm 85
Singy Tiem fo tha Sunz Uv Korah

1 Ceiling Cat, yur realeh kewl. Srsly. Yu maek no moar slaev kittehs.
2 Yu maek all uv invisible errors betta an stuff.
3 Yu no maek angwy tiem no moars. Dats kewl, Iz no lieks dat stuffs.
4 Plz dun be mad no moars.
5 Ceiling Cat be mad at us tiems infinity? NOES!!1! Evn our littlest kitteh sunz?
6 Mehbey yu maek it all betta, an we maek funneh sownds at yu?
7 Haev merceh on us!!1!
8 Iz be good listender. Ceiling Cat talkz peece an stuffs an blah blah 2 his fello kittehs. Dey dun need 2 be bad kittehs after dat.
9 We be fraid uv Ceiling cat. Sow we gets gud stuffs! His awesum stuff culd maek dis place bettr.
10 Merceh and troofs be wif each uthur. Gud stuffs and peece maek out.
11 Troofs will pounce frum Urfs; gud stuffs come frum ceiling.
12 Ceiling Cat giveded us teh gud stuffs, an we maek it gud on Urfs.
13 Gud stuffs maek us liek Ceiling Cat.

8 Eff u be nise n doed tehse stuffs, u can haz bebes n gud stuffs frm ur d00d Jeesus. Fo relz!
9 D00dz taht r meen n dont rispekt tah d00d Jeesus r stoopid n can loose tehr bukkits, tho.10 Srsly, be nise n u can no b pwnd.11 U can has Ceiling Cat's littr boks wif teh d00d Jeesus.
12 U r all liek, "Oh hai, we no all tihs kthxbai!" But I can has tel u agin cuz u neid 2 no stuffs.13 Whyle mai pawz b n ur base I wil tel u stuffs agin,14 noing taht Jeesus sho me taht I no b n ur base 4evr.
15 Aftr I git pwnd I can has u no tehse stuffs so u can git mad l00t whyle otehr d00dz iz liek "Oh noes, we be gttn pwnd!"

Mark 1:1-8

1 K, I just telz u this, but I telz u agin. Ceiling Cat haz son name Jebus Christ. This hiz stori:
2 Wise catz sed, Ceiling Cat send wai smrt d00d.
3 He make thingz redy 4 Jebus.
4 Hiz name John. He wantz us to dunk in watr. (wtf? iz he srs?)
5 Catz let him do thiz crzy thing tho. Tehy dunk in watr. Srsly
6 John warez crzy clothez and eatz bugz (he no haz cheezburgr?)
7 He sez, "New cat come, him wai betr thn me.
8 I dunkz u with waterz but he givz u Hovr Cat. Srsly.

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