Friday, July 10, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sunday, July 12, 2009
2 Samuel 6.1–5, 12b–19
Psalm 24
Amos 7.7–15
Psalm 85.8–end
Ephesians 1.3–14
Mark 6.14–29

2 Samuel 6.1–5, 12b–19
Teh ark brought 2 jerusalem

1 david again brought togethr out ov israel chosen doodz, thirty thousand in all.
2 he an all his doodz set out frum baalah ov judah [a] 2 brin up frum thar teh ark ov ceilin cat, which iz calld by teh naym, [b] teh naym ov teh lord almighty, hoo iz enthrond tween teh cherubim dat r on teh ark.
3 they set teh ark ov ceilin cat on new cart an brought it frum teh houz ov abinadab, which wuz on teh hill. Uzzah an ahio, sons ov abinadab, wuz guidin teh new cart
4 wif teh ark ov ceilin cat on it, [c] an ahio wuz walkin in frunt ov it.
5 david an teh whole houz ov israel wuz celebratin wif all their mite before teh lord, wif songs [d] an wif harps, lyrez, tambourinez, sistrums an cymbals.

12 nao king david wuz told, "teh lord has blesd teh haushold ov obd-edom an evrythin he has, cuz ov teh ark ov ceilin cat." so david went down an brought up teh ark ov ceilin cat frum teh houz ov obd-edom 2 teh city ov david wif rejoicin.
13 when dose hoo wuz carryin teh ark ov teh lord had taken 6 steps, he sacrificd bull an fattend calf.
14 david, wearin linen efod, dancd before teh lord wif all his mite,
15 while he an teh entire houz ov israel brought up teh ark ov teh lord wif shouts an teh sound ov trumpets.
16 as teh ark ov teh lord wuz enterin teh city ov david, michal daughtr ov saul watchd frum window. An when she saw king david leapin an dancin before teh lord, she despisd him in her hart.
17 they brought teh ark ov teh lord an set it in itz place inside teh tent dat david had pitchd 4 it, an david sacrificd burnt offerings an fellowship offerings [f] before teh lord.
18 aftr he had finishd sacrificin teh burnt offerings an fellowship offerings, he blesd teh peeps in da naym ov teh lord almighty.
19 den he gaev loaf ov bread, caek ov datez an caek ov raisins 2 each person in da whole crowd ov israelitez, both doodz an women. An all teh peeps went 2 their homez.

Psalm 24

1 Teh worldz belong 2 Ceiling Cat, N all teh cheezburgerz N all teh kittehs.
2 Ceiling Cat made ur worldz like big water bowl, N no backwash!
3 Which lolcat brave enuf 2 climb Ceiling Cat'z scratching post? Which lolcat brave enuf to piss in Ceiling Cat'z territoreh? Which lolcat cn let Ceiling Cat in teh pet-door?
4 only teh lolcat wif bestestest tongue 4 givin bathz. N no fleaz.
5 Ceiling Cat give that lolcat cheezburgerz N cookies.
6 Srsly. kthxbye.
7 Lift teh cat flap N let Ceiling Cat in.
8 Ceiling cat are serious cat. This are serious psalm.
9 Let him in ur cat flap, srsly.
10 Ceiling Cat are serious. Let him in ur cat flap.
Itz cold in teh garage.
Srsly.
kthxbye.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Amos 7.7–15

teh levl
7 Den he showded me a wall an he wuz uzin a levl to maek shure it wuz strait.
8 An Ceiling Cat askted, "What duz u see, Amos?"
I sed "A levl."
Den Ceiling Cat sed, "I iz settin up a levl to chek teh peeplz of Israel. I cant put up wif dere nonsens no moar.
9 "I will destroi Isaac's high plaeciz
n trash hiz saef plaisiz
n attak Jeroboams famili wif mai sword."

Amos n Amaziah
10 Amaziah wuz a priest in Bethel. He tolded King Jeroboam, "Amos is causin a ruckus an makin trubl for u here in Israel.
11 He iz all
" 'Jeroboam wil get killded wif a sword,
an teh peepl of Israel wil be drivn awai,
far awai from hoam.' "
12 Amaziah tolded Amos, "STFU an go bak to Judah.
13 Stai out of Bethel kthnxbai."
14 Amos tolded Amaziah, "I wuzint a proffet befor an neithr wuz mai daddi. I takeded caer of sheepz an treez.
15 But Ceiling Cat tolded me to cut dat out and go tell teh fyoochr to teh peepl of Israel.

Psalm 85
Singy Tiem fo tha Sunz Uv Korah

1 Ceiling Cat, yur realeh kewl. Srsly. Yu maek no moar slaev kittehs.
2 Yu maek all uv invisible errors betta an stuff.
3 Yu no maek angwy tiem no moars. Dats kewl, Iz no lieks dat stuffs.
4 Plz dun be mad no moars.
5 Ceiling Cat be mad at us tiems infinity? NOES!!1! Evn our littlest kitteh sunz?
6 Mehbey yu maek it all betta, an we maek funneh sownds at yu?
7 Haev merceh on us!!1!
8 Iz be good listender. Ceiling Cat talkz peece an stuffs an blah blah 2 his fello kittehs. Dey dun need 2 be bad kittehs after dat.
9 We be fraid uv Ceiling cat. Sow we gets gud stuffs! His awesum stuff culd maek dis place bettr.
10 Merceh and troofs be wif each uthur. Gud stuffs and peece maek out.
11 Troofs will pounce frum Urfs; gud stuffs come frum ceiling.
12 Ceiling Cat giveded us teh gud stuffs, an we maek it gud on Urfs.
13 Gud stuffs maek us liek Ceiling Cat.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Ephesians 1.3–14
Free stuf frum teh Ceiling Cat

3 Luv teh Ceiling Cat nd Jesus dat givez us teh free stuf.
4 Teh Ceiling Cat pikded us to be teh holey nd gud kittehs.
5 Ceiling Cat adopps uz as teh kittehs thru Jesus cuz he wants to,
6 nd givz us teh Jesus, who he luvs lots.
7 Jesus lets us off teh hook 4 arr invisible errorz.
8 No end of teh good cuz Ceiling Cat has teh brainz.
9 He tellz us evrythin we needs to kno abt, cuz he wantd 2.
10 Nd wen teh time is rddy, its will awl be in wun cookie bag with teh nam uv Jesus awn it.
11 A plan- Ceiling Cat haz it, and choosded us for it. He knos wat hes doin. Srsly.
12 This wai teh Jew kittehs maek Ceiling Cat happy nd they gets saved,
13 nd nao evry1 else has teh life saved 2. We is addoptd 4 real nao, like he promisd.
14 Ceiling Cat buys us so we can has gud stuf.

Mark 6.14–29
John teh Baptist Luzez Headz

14 An teh King Herod heerd dis, bcuz Happy Cat wuz famus nao. And peepul wuz liek "Hai, John teh Baptist isnt ded NEmore!"
15 An othurz wuz liek "He iz Elikhat!" An othurz wuz liek "No, he iz proffet!"
16 But Herod wuz liek "John teh Baptist caem bak to lief? No wai! OMGWTFBBQ!"
17 Bcuz Herod wuz liek "Hai, sumbody put John in prizun, k?" Bcuz Herodias wuz Philip's wief, an Philip wuz Herod'z brudder, an den Herod marreed Herodias.
18 An John wuz liek "Hai, u cant do taht!"
19 So Herodias wuntd to killz John. But she cudnt,
20 bcuz Herod wuz skeerd of John, an he protectd him, bcuz he wuz gud. An John confuzd Herod, but Herod liekd lisning to John.
21 But den it wuz Herod'z birfday, an he hadz a big parti. An dere wuz yummi caek.
22 An den Herodias's dottr caem in an dansed, an she wuz rly gud at dansin. An teh king wuz liek "Hai, Iz gunna giv u anyfing u wantz!" Srsly.
23 An he wuz liek "Srsly, I promisz. I givz u wutevur u wantz."
24 An she wentz to her mothur an wuz liek "Hai, wut shud I ask foar?" An she wuz liek "Teh hed of John teh Baptist."
25 An teh gurl went to teh king an wuz liek "O, hai, I can haz teh hed of John teh Baptist on a plaet, plz?"
26 An teh king didnt want to do taht, but he promissd.
27 So he wuz liek "Hai, cud sumwun go get teh hed, plz?" An sum gai went an cut off John's hed,
28 An he brot it bak on a plaet taht he got sumwerez. An he gaev it to teh gurl, an she gaev it to her mothur.
29 An wen tehy heeerd dis, John's disipls got hiz boddy (but not teh hed) an burryd it.


Weekend Cat Events

Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!

Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
#214 Jul 11-12 Breadchick and LB at The Sour Dough

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
2 Years Anniversary hosted by Kashim at the BKC Festival of Chaos home
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats
#278 - Mr. Tigger & The M-Cats
(submit your post here)

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog


My Bad Boy — Charlie Cat — July 6, 2009
Thank you all for your kind comments during this difficult time this past week.

_/\_/\_

2 comments:

  1. Oh Andree, I'm so sorry to hear about Charlie. I can really emphathise with you, having lost beloved a beloved cat in the relatively recent past. It is a difficult time for you. My deepest sympathies. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am glad that my tribute to Charlie and the limerick are helping you heal. Comments like yours is what makes my little efforts seem really worthwhile.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for visiting and for your comments!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails