Friday, August 21, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday, August 23, 2009

1 Kings 8.[1, 6, 10–11] 22–30, 41–43
Psalm 84
Joshua 24.1,2a, 14–18
Psalm 34.15–end
Ephesians 6.10–20
John 6.56–69

1 Kings 8.[1, 6, 10–11] 22–30, 41–43
Solomon bringz teh ark an stuffs to Ceiling Cat's hause

1 Solomon getted elderz of Israel an all hedz of tribez, chiefs ov dads ov kittehs of Isreal, so dey bring ark ov covenant of Ceiling Cat frm city of David.
6 An priests bringed teh ark into teh oracle of teh hause (most holi plase!) undr cherub wings.
10 When preists were com out ov holi plase, ther was cloud. But not fart cloud, LOLZ. Wuz not smelly.
11 Teh preists no could minister ther becaus of cloud. OMG! Teh glory of Ceiling Cat filled teh hause!!1!
22 An Solomon stood at ark wif teh kittehs an he puts his paws in teh air.
23 Then Solomon sed, "Ceiling Cat, ther iz no kitteh liek u in teh ceiling, or in da urfs. U keeps covenant an mercee wif servents that luv u cuz ur totalee kewl.
24 You stays wif my dad an talks wif him an fulfilled stuff wif him.
25 So plz Ceiling Cat, my dad can has help to keep good kittehs on throne?
26 Plz to has veriffcaton? Thx.
27 Da urfs no can contain Ceiling Cat. Teh holi hause not big, eithr. WOW OMG Ceiling Cat IZ HUGE!!!1!
28 I makes you a prayer an I hope u lieks it:
29 Plz to watch hause day n night an teh plase wif my name wher servant makes u a prayer.
30 An lissen to servants when tey pray toward teh hause an forgiv them, plz to has.
41 An about weird doods from othr plases that lov u an wanna liv in Israel:
42 (They will heer about u) When he prais toward teh hous,
43 Heers it, an kitteh can has what kitteh wants.

Psalm 84

1 Ceiling Cat haz teh bestestest ov houzez, O yeah.
2 I wantz 2 curl up in teh houz of teh Ceiling Cat and can haz cheezburgr.
3 Teh birdiez, teh swallowz An teh sparrowz who makez teh baybee chickeez I laiks 2 chase An eat, we haz all napped in teh houz of teh Ceiling Cat.
4 Hai Ceiling Cat, the kittehs in ur houz say kthx for making teh cheezburgrz alwaiz.
5 Hai Ceiling Cat, teh kittehs cldn’t chazez teh birdiez widdout u.
6 Teh Ceiling Cat alwaiz makz teh litter box cleen 4 teh kittehs.
7 An we climbz treez hai 2 see teh Ceiling Cat.
8 O yeah Ceiling Cat, we luv u. An dat Jacob dood laiks u 2, so lissen, eh?
9 Lookit Ceiling Cat, lookit ma tail.
10 I can haz ly in ur houz onlee 4 1day, itz bettr’n mastubatin out in teh tentz all teh time.
11 Cuz u givez cookiez An cheezburgrz An keepz teh dogz away from teh kittehs dat laiks u An walkz on 4 pawz bhind u.
12 Dey dat laiks teh Ceiling Cat will alwaiz have cheezburgrz An nap in ur houz. kthx bai.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Joshua 24.1,2a, 14–18
Rahab an der Spiez

1 Joshua sentz 2 spiezecats frm Shittim an sed “Chex0r out teh lands speshly JericoCat lawlz!”. They went 2 teh landz n steyed in HookerKitty hoose.
2 Teh Kingzor herd of teh spiezecats an tolded teh guardz:
14 Teh speizekats sez "K! U doan tel an wheel protexx U n yr Famabalies"
15 So she bryng out looong peece uv string, nawt fur play wit, but 2 climb down wall uv citi.
16 She tellz dem to run way an hyde. Tehn wayt 3 daze bein hidden an den tehy wil B saef.
17 Teh 3 spiez sez "Wee wil keep promiss,
18 butt wen ar armi cums heer, U will lett uz no wer U liv an yor famablies wil B in yr hows. Srsly.

Psalm 34

1 I r always talkins of Ceiling Cat
I r always say good tings.

2 My soul r brag 'bout Ceiling Cat
Let teh poor kittehs hear n be happies.

3 Lets rave 'bout Ceiling Cat
lets prase his kewl name togedder.

4 I meowed for Ceiling Cat an he answred me
He r save me from teh scary tings.

5 Teh kittehs dat trust him is happy cats
Dey nevar hav shameful face.

6 Dis poor kitteh called HALP! An Ceiling Cat heerded him,
He savded teh poor kitteh.

7 Teh Wingcat of teh Ceiling Cat is neer teh kittehs dat is respektful of him,
an halps dem.

8 Taste n u will see, dis Ceiling Cat has a flavr.
Cheezburgrs for teh kitteh dat seeks him.

9 Repekt teh Ceiling Cat, u good kittehs
Cuz respektful kittehs get all de good tings.

10 Teh big cats is gettinz weak n hungries
But kittehs who findz Ceiling Cat can has cheezburgrs.

11 Come to me, babby kittehs
I r goins teech u to respekt Ceiling Cat

12 U kittehs dat luv life
an r wants to haz 9 lives

13 Say no evil - mak shur cat have ur tongue!
An never tell lies n stuff.

14 Point ur tail at evil and do lotsa good tings
look for peece n chase it liek a maus.

15 Ceiling Cat is watchin teh good kittehs
An his ears is listenins for dere cries.

16 Ceiling Cat not look at kittehs dat do evil tings
He r delete dem from teh memory of teh urfs.

17 Teh good kittehs meow, and Ceiling Cat heers dem.
He are savins dem from teh sad tings.

18 Ceiling Cat r cuddlin teh kittehs whose harts is broked
An he r rescuins kittehs wit crushded spirits.

19 A good kitteh may havs lotsa trubbles
but Ceiling Cat r goin to halp him.

20 Ceiling Cat r garding call teh kitteh's bonez
Te kitteh r not have breakded bonez.

21 Evil r goinz to kill teh bad kittehs
Teh enemiez of all good kittehs r goins to be uthanized.

22 Ceiling Cat freez his kitteh d00ds;
No kitteh dat trusts in him is goinz to be doomd.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Ephesians 6.10–20
Ceiling Cat: Teh Armurz

10 Ceiling Cat will maek yu strong.
11 Put on teh armurz Ceiling Cat givez yu, so yu pwn Basement Cat.
12 We not pwn otehr normul kittehs, but Basement Cat nd his invisibul kittehs.
13 Maek shur yu not forget any of teh armur. That wai yu will pwn.
14 There is teh belt of teh trueness and teh body armur of teh gud.
15 Teh armur shoes iz maed of teh FAQ, so yu can has brainz.
16 Dun forget teh sheeld! It savs yur laif frum teh firy arows.
17 Helmet is made of saves, and teh sword is of teh Hovrcat.
18 Prey 2 teh Ceiling Cat all teh timez. Not fall asleep or forget to preyz!
19 Whiel yur at it, preyz 4 me 2. Ask Ceiling Cat givez me teh brains to unnerstand teh plan.
20 I is in chains. Prey lots!

John 6.56–69

56 Dose dat eat mai flesh n drinkz mai bloodz staiz wit meh n meh wit him.
57 Just as teh Ceiling Cat sint meh n I haz lifz becuz of ceiling cat, so duz dose hoo feedz on meh wud haz lifz becuz of meh.
58 Dis is teh cookiez dat comz down from teh ceiling. Not like momcat and tomcat hoo eatz n dize, dose hoo eatz dis cooki livz forever.
59 Dis was all sed at teh synagogue at Capernaum.

Teh mani homiez o Jebus
60 Teh homiez wuz dare and sed, "WTF? Dis iz diffrnt! Hoo kin hang?"
61 Jebus noo his homiez wuz hissing 'bout dis. He sez, "Homiez! Dis ain't new!
62 Wut if u see'd teh Son of Catz rize up to teh ceiling?
63 It iz teh ghostcat givz lifz, teh flesh don't mattrz! Teh wrds I sed iz sprit n lifz.
64 But dare r kittehz dat don't beleev." Jesus noo dat the kittiez dat didn't beleev wud betryz him.
65 He sez, "Dis b wy I sez nun kin comz to me lest ceiling cat sez so."
66 Lotza kittehs scatz n didn't comz bak.
67 Jebus sed to hiz homiez, "Do u wantz to scatz?"
68 Simon Peter sed to Him, "D00d, wherz we go? U iz teh cookiez of lifz.
69 We beleevz u iz teh wun Ceiling cat sez is goodz stuffz. srsly."

Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
#220 Aug 22-23 is being held by Salome
at Paulchens FoodBlog?!

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Edition 107 | Sep 06, 2009
Kashim & Othello and Salome
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats
#284 is going to Mind of Mog Sunday Evening
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

News from Ceiling Cat!
August 18th, 2009
Working on a not so secret project.
You can pre-order now and everything! Spread the word. What will your Aunt think of it? As always you can chat with Ceiling Cat right on his twitter.

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Thank you all — again— for your words of comfort when we lost Turnip.
We have not been able to blog much, but are beginning to think about it.

Kitty Limericks

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