Sunday, August 30, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, August 30, 2009

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Song of Solomon 2:8-13 or
Deuteronomy 4:1-2, 6-9
Psalm 45:1-2, 6-9 or Psalm 15
James 1:17-27
Mark 7:1-8, 14-15, 21-23

Song of Solomon 2:8-13
8 Teh voice of my lover! Srsly, joo look, he's jumping round. Like superman. WTF?
9 My lover is a row or hart, and he is playing hidengoseek threw teh windo. I see joo!
10 Shh, he said, "Sup. OMG, let's go.
11 Winter's over. Nice, cuz rain is wet.
12 It is teh spring! Dere is flowers growed, birdies out of tune, and turtles is talkin. Srsly, wtf up wit dat?
13 Teh fig tree is put for her green figz, and teh grapez smell nice. Get up, plz, kthx.

Deuteronomy 4

1 ISRAEL! Listen to teh rulez! Follow dem so dat u can liv an cud go in an nap in da houz dat CEILING CAT, Teh CEILING CAT ov ur fathers, iz given u.
2 Keep teh laws ov teh lord ur Ceilin Cat dat i giv u. no changin.
3 U saw wut teh Lord did at Baal Peor. Teh lord ur Ceilin Cat destroyd all hoo followd teh Baal ov Peor,
4 But all u hoo held fast 2 teh lord ur Ceilin Cat r still aliv todai, asidez Jim. 1 8 An wut othr hous iz so kewl as 2 has such awsum laws as mah laws I'm given ya todai?
5 C, i has taught u laws as lord mah Ceilin Cat commandd me, so dat u cud follow them in da land u r enterin 2 taek posesshun ov it.
6 look carefully, 4 dis will show ur smarts 2 teh haus, hoo will hear bout all thees laws an say, "surely dis great haus iz wize an understandin peeps ayup."
7 Wut othr houz iz so great as 2 has their godz near them teh wai teh Ceilin Kat r God iz near us whenevr we pray 2 him, asidez us?

Psalm 45

1 Meh hart is can be oberflode wit many goodz themez;
I tellz my tayulz abowt da Kingz;
Meh tung bez da pen uv a reddy riter.

2 Yew be shinyer den teh kidz of manz, srsly;
Teh grase be dumpt upon j00 moufz;
Dat meanz Ceiling Cat has gived you cheezbrgr 4 eva
3 Gloo Ur sharp stikz all on Ur thie, O Beefeh Onez,
Wit Ur shinyness an Ur majesties..
4 An in Ur majesties ride wiff lots of moniez 'cuz uv trufe, humilitiez, and wighteousnessess;
An Ur rite hand will beez uv teaching Yew awesomeful thingz.
5 Ur arrowz be shawp in teh hart uv teh King’s eminees;
Teh peoplez fall undur Yew.

6 Yer thrown, O Ceiling Cat, be ferevah and evah;
A shiny stik uv wighteousnessess be teh shinky stik uv teh floor.
7 j00 has a love fore teh wighteousnessess and you be hatin teh ebil;
So cuzza dat Ceiling Cat, Ur Ceiling Cat, said you can has cheezburger
Wit teh most flavrful flavrz evor made, moar den Ur bffs.
8 All Ur clothz be smelling good wiff allowz n stuff,
From teh shiney white places, wat haz maed youz happeh.
9 Kingz dotters arez hangin' out wiff Ur sweet sweet laydeez; At Ur rite hand is chillin teh kween in teh shiny yelloh metalz from Ophir.

10 Hay! Pay atenshun, O dotter,
Fink carefullies and maek shure yu heer;
Furget about ur own d00dz, an ur Daddy's howse;
11 So dat da King will think you be super hawttz;
'Cuz Him be ur Lawd, so yew bettr know him be sweet.
12 An teh dotter of Tyre will comes wiff a treasure for yoo;
Even dem wiff lots of monies will want to be ur favorite.

13 Teh royal dotter be all shiney wit da palace d00dz;
Her wearz be made wiff teh shiny yellow mettal.
14 After puttin' on teh ritz, she will go to teh King;
Teh laydeez who know not whur teh harbl goes, the wimmenz who are her bffs, are also goings to be a treasure for you.
15 They will say 'O hai!' and has many happiez;
And be in ur palace, srsly.

16 Ur daddies will leaf an ur kidz will be dere,
And it's ok if u wantz them to of be being a prinse.
17 I will makes you famus for all da chillens in da fyucher;
So teh ppl will give yew cheezburgrz ferevar n evar. kthnxbai.

Psalm 15

1 Oh, hai, Ceiling Cat, hu gona curl up in ur tabby-nackle?
Hu gona pet ur fuzy bely?

2 Teh d00dz taht stan up strate,
flip cheezburgrz 4 minimum w/out complanez,
n no lyez.

3 Teh d00dz taht not trols,
not pulz ur leg, not DOS atak ppl,
n not get retardid.

4 Teh d00dz taht no a trol wehn tehy seez him;
but greetz 2 teh d00dz taht is chiken o Ceiling cat.
Oh, n no politishuns.

5 N DO NOT WANT d00dz taht lone u mony for cheezburgr
but wan interist on toozday.
U r so pwnd!

Crossin bridge to holy grail, BRB!

James 1:17-27

17 Oh and everting good that will ever happen to you is because of the Ceiling Cat. Now u see why I like him, lol.
18 And he wrote that FAQ for us so we should thank him and stuff.

Lissen an den taik axshun
19 STFU when Ceiling Cat is talking. Also chill out, no TKs.
20 Cuz Ceiling Cat NOT WANT yu be mad.
21 And stop DL so much porn.
22 But make sure yu unnerstand the FAQ before yu start playing around.
23 But dont just read the FAQ, do sum of the examples too cuz dey helpful. Peepuls who not do that is stupid.
24 And leik, dont think ur all hot soup cuz you just read the FAQ.
25 So leik, make sure you do the stuff right. Don't just talk about it, k?
26 Nobdy who follows teh Ceiling Cat can say bad things. Is not gud. Celing cat shoot you with lazer eyes. Srsly.
27 Gud ppls follow FAQ and halp teh otehrs.

Mark 7:1-8, 14-15, 21-23
Whut haz gud flavr an dont

1 Teh Pharisees and teechurs uv lawz go way frum Jerusalem to see Happy Cat.
2 Dey seed sum uv Happy Cat frenz go NUMNUMNUM but handz iz dirtieded, EWWW!
3 (Pharisees an jooz no liek flavr wifout speshul washded hans liek alwayz tradishun.
4 Wen dey go by foodz, alwyz cleen hans. Also jooz got lotsa tradishun bout washdeding foodz buckets.)
5 So teh Pharisees and teechurs axed Happy Cat, "OMGWTF!!!1!!1 Howcum ur guyz not haz washded liek tradishun an getz dirty flavr? Srsly."
6 Him sez, "LOLZ, Isaiah noze u wen he sez bout u fakerz; cuz teh Bibul sez:
" 'Deez guyz sayded gud stuf wif moufs,
but insydz deyz no got bukkit.
7 Dey wurshup me for nuffin;
dey iz tolded evrywun stuff thatz jus mayd up.'
8 Ur having forgetted wut Ceiling Cat tolded and u jus lieks tradishun."

14 Agin Happy Cat callz peepul and sez, "O hai, ai can has u lissen me?
15 'Dirty' frum outsyd iz not bad flavr. Nsted, iz bad flavr 'dirty' frum insyd.'"

21 Insyd peeplz harts iz big bukkit of meenyness, buttseks, taykin stuff, kil kittehs, harbl goes WHERE?
22 want moar, scratchinz, lyin, yuckies, not liek udder kittehs, tawk bad abowt kittehs, thinked dey bettr kittehs and lotza stoopidz.
23 Theez bad stuff frum insyd and makez 'dirty.' "

Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
#221 Aug 29-30 is being held by Mr Tigger
at The M-Cats Club

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Edition 107 | Sep 06, 2009
Kashim & Othello and Salome
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats
#285 is going to When Cats Attack Sunday Evening
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

News from Ceiling Cat!

August 18th, 2009

Working on a not so secret project.

You can pre-order now and everything! Spread the word. What will your Aunt think of it? As always you can chat with Ceiling Cat right on his twitter.

Visit the Pet Prayer & Praise Blog

Kitty Limericks

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