Sunday, September 06, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, September 6, 2009

 Sunday, September 6, 2009

Proverbs 22:1-2, 8-9, 22-23; Isaiah 35:4-7a Psalm 125 or Psalm 146; James 2:1-10, (11-13), 14-17; Mark 7:24-37

 

Proverbs 22: 1-2, 8-9, 22-23

1 A good name iz gooder than tresurez; to be respect iz gooder than ur minerals. 2 Both d00dz that has cheezburger an no has cheezburger can has dis; coz they r just maded by the Ceiling Cat. 8 Wicked cat is gonna get in trubble, an da rod of his fury will be destroyed, o noes! 9 A generous kitty will be blessed wen he shares his chowz wif da poor. 22 Do not be meen to da poor kittahs wen dey is poor an do not squish dem in da court 23 cuz Ceiling Cat will defends dem for Great Justice an plunder dose who is meen.

Isaiah 35:4-7a

4 all teh stars ov teh heavens will be disolvd An teh sky rolld up liek scroll; All teh starry host will fall Liek witherd leavez frum teh vine, Liek shriveld figs frum teh fig tree.5 mah sword has drunk itz fill in da heavens; C, it descendz in judgment on edom, Teh peeps i has totally destroyd.6 teh sword ov teh lord iz bafd in blood, It coverd wif fat— Teh blood ov lambs an goats, Fat frum teh kidneys ov rams. 4 da lord has sacrifice in bozrah An great slaughtr in edom.7 an teh wild oxen will fall wif them, Teh bull calvez an teh great bulls. Their land will be drenchd wif blood, An teh dust will be soakd wif fat.

 funny pictures of cats with captions see more Lolcats and funny pictures

 

Psalm 125

1 Doz who lik Ceiling Cat be unnmooved and last forevur, lik plasticz.

2 Teh Ceiling Cat beez all warm and comfy and stuffz arund us.

3 Teh pointy stickz of teh wickid wil not stay ovr our cheezburgerz. An dey wont use teh cheezburgers for scary stuffs.

4 Ceiling Cat, roxorz dey dat roxorz oders that roxorz!

5 And doez dat try an eet all deh cheezbugerz, make dem go away! Do not want!

 

Psalm 146

1 Praise Ceiling Cat

Praise Ceiling Cat, o mai sole

2 I iz in mai lie praisin Ceiling Cat all teh timez

I iz singin to Ceiling Cat all mai life

3 Don't be in ur base trustin ur princez

Cuz they iz gunna die an can't do nuffin

4 When their spirits iz in teh sky returning to teh urfs

They is nuffin

5 If u gets Ceiling Cat to help you can haz cheezburger

6 Teh lolcoder of Ceiling and urfs

teh watres and teh fishes

7 He lets hungry kittehs has sammiches

8 Ceiling Cat maikz teh blind kittehs can see

Ceiling Cat liftz up kittehs on 4 legz

Ceiling Cat <3 teh right handed

9 ZOMG Ceiling Cat has seen UFO LOL an DO NOT WANT evil kittehs so he maikz dem DO NOT WANT

10 Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate forever

Can he haz cheezburger?
 

James 2:1-10, (11-13), 14-17

1 Hay guys Ceiling Cat doeznt like us makin favrits.2 If a cat comes an haz liek a cookie an other cat only has veggiez3 Dont sayz to cookie cat "Hay ur ma favrit lol" and to veggie cat liek "U haz veggie soz I don't like u."4 That means u is judgin an thatz bad k?

5 Ceiling Cat totally sed cats with no cheezburger on urth haz lots of cheezburgers in ceiling if they luv Ceiling Cat.6 But u iz mean to cat wit no cheezburger. Cats wit cheezburger and cookie is the onez who are liek mean to u.7 Thay dont like Ceiling Cat and so they iz the bad ones k?

8 If u luvz other kitteh as much as u luvz urself, thats good.9 But if u iz like "I like this kitteh moar than that kitteh" u iz breakin' the ruls.10 Even if u iz like good most of teh times, but one time is like "oh noes, I brake a rule" then itz like u brake all the rulz.11 Ceiling Cat sed "Dont liek hurt each other k" but also "Dont take each otherz cookie k". So if u iz liek "Im in ur kitchn takn ur cookiez" but doesnt hurt other kitteh, uz is still brakin' rulz.

12 So do wat tha ruls say13 cos Ceiling Cat will b rly hard on cat who haz been mean to other kitteh. Luv winz.

14 Its no use if cat is liek "Hay Ceiling Cat I believe u is in mah ceiling" but cat dusnt do good things. Kittehs belief iznt gonna halp. Srsly.15 If ur friend is teh hungriez16 and u is like "I want you to eat" but iz not giving him a cheezburger, u r useless.17 So liek thinking Ceiling Cat iz in ceiling is useless if u r not halping other kittehs.

Mark 7:24-37

Woman iz in ur Syrophoenicia, bleevin in ur Ceiling Cat

24 Happy Cat goez away to playse neer Tyre. Him insyd sum howse, but telz no kitteh; stil him cant keep hisself seecurt25 Akshuly, wehn her herdz him neer, woman wit littel gurl gotz bad kitteh spirrut goez him and lize on carpet.26 Teh womanz a Greek, bornded in Syrian Phoenicia. Her axed pleez Happy Cat make bad kitteh spirrut leebz hers gurl, srsly.

27 "Firs teh kittehs can has cheezburger," him sayded her, "WTF, not take cheezburgerz frum kittehs for puppehs be eatin."

28 "YA, RLY," her sed, "but puppehs getz flavr on teh crums ifs kittehs leev."

29 Him sayded, "Ur having gud anser, lol! U can haz bad kitteh spirrut go frum ur gurl."

30 Her goz hers howse and founded gurl on teh couch, and bad kitteh spirrut okthxbye!

Happy Cat ficks man can has not speek or heer

31 Den Happy Cat leev hangin rowns Tyre and goed Sidon bi Galilee wer iz 10 cittis.32 Sum peepul brunged hims a man hu not heer and no tawk gud neevur, and dey beggded him pleeze 2 touching dis pore guy.

33 Happy Cat taked hims way frum alz peepul, stix feengrs in eers. Den Happy Cat can has spitted and grabbing hims tung.34 Hims looked at ceiling and tayk deep bref and sayz, "Ephphatha!" (dis meaned, "I can has openinged, plz?!" ).35 OMGWTF!!!!1!!1 manz eerz workinged, tung wigglz and him speek gud, srsly!

36 Happy Cat telled dem not sayingz nuffing, srsly. But moar tawx him, moar peepul tawxing abowt wat Jebus doed.37 Everwun liek SRSLY OMGWTF, RLY?!?!?!! "Him doinged allz very gud," dey sayded. "D00d cans ficks peepul can has not speek or heer!"

 

News from Ceiling Cat!

August 18th, 2009

Working on a not so secret project.

You can pre-order now and everything! Spread the word. What will your Aunt think of it? As always you can chat with Ceiling Cat right on his twitter.



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