Friday, October 23, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Job 42:1-6, 10-17 or
Jeremiah 31:7-9
Psalm 34:1-8, (19-22) or
Psalm 126
Hebrews 7:23-28
Mark 10:46-52

Job 42:1-6, 10-17

1 All deh big army guyz liek Johanan nd Jezaniah went up to Jeremiah
2 n they was all liek plz plz tell Ceiling Cat we iz so sorry
3 n we do watevr he sez now ok.
4 Jeremiah tol them all ok I talk to Ceiling Cat now
5 n they say we promis we all gonna do what he sez now
6 evn if we dont undrstnd y he sez it.

10 nd he says u can liv here hes cool wit it
11 nd if you live here dont wry about teh bad kittehz in Babylon, Ceiling Cat keepz them away
12 nd itll be so cool.
13 But if u don't wanna live here nd yu r all screw Ceiling Cat dis place sux
14 nd you run away to Egypt wit teh pyrmids n mummiez n stuff
15 Ceiling Cat wont like that
16 nd he gonna tell the kittehz in Babylon wer u went to n also u get no food
17 so stay here n dont go to Egypt kthx.

Psalm 34

1 I r always talkins of Ceiling Cat
I r always say good tings.

2 My soul r brag 'bout Ceiling Cat
Let teh poor kittehs hear n be happies.

3 Lets rave 'bout Ceiling Cat
lets prase his kewl name togedder.

4 I meowed for Ceiling Cat an he answred me
He r save me from teh scary tings.

5 Teh kittehs dat trust him is happy cats
Dey nevar hav shameful face.

6 Dis poor kitteh called HALP! An Ceiling Cat heerded him,
He savded teh poor kitteh.

7 Teh Wingcat of teh Ceiling Cat is neer teh kittehs dat is respektful of him,
an halps dem.

8 Taste n u will see, dis Ceiling Cat has a flavr.
Cheezburgrs for teh kitteh dat seeks him.

9 Repekt teh Ceiling Cat, u good kittehs
Cuz respektful kittehs get all de good tings.

10 Teh big cats is gettinz weak n hungries
But kittehs who findz Ceiling Cat can has cheezburgrs.

11 Come to me, babby kittehs
I r goins teech u to respekt Ceiling Cat

12 U kittehs dat luv life
an r wants to haz 9 lives

13 Say no evil - mak shur cat have ur tongue!
An never tell lies n stuff.

14 Point ur tail at evil and do lotsa good tings
look for peece n chase it liek a maus.

15 Ceiling Cat is watchin teh good kittehs
An his ears is listenins for dere cries.

16 Ceiling Cat not look at kittehs dat do evil tings
He r delete dem from teh memory of teh urfs.

17 Teh good kittehs meow, and Ceiling Cat heers dem.
He are savins dem from teh sad tings.

18 Ceiling Cat r cuddlin teh kittehs whose harts is broked
An he r rescuins kittehs wit crushded spirits.

19 A good kitteh may havs lotsa trubbles
but Ceiling Cat r goin to halp him.

20 Ceiling Cat r garding call teh kitteh's bonez
Te kitteh r not have breakded bonez.

21 Evil r goinz to kill teh bad kittehs
Teh enemiez of all good kittehs r goins to be uthanized.

22 Ceiling Cat freez his kitteh d00ds;
No kitteh dat trusts in him is goinz to be doomd.

Psalm 126
Sing sawng uv ascents

1 When teh Ceiling Cat bringz us bak to teh Lolmountain, we were lik kittehs who dreem.
2 Our moufs were lik filld wit cheezbugerz an stuffz. Srsy! We wuz happeh!
3 Teh Ceiling Cat roxorz us and we beez happeh!
4 Give us many cheezburgerz dat are ours!
5 Doz who give veggiez can reep cheezburgers.
6 Wen we go out cryen and stuffz wit cheezburger seeds, we comez bak wit lotz of happeh cheezburgers! Awsome!!

funny pictures of cats with captions

Hebrews 7
Melchizedek Bestest Cheeseburgers Has

1 Dis melchizedek wuz da king ov salem an priist ov da ceiling cat. Him said to abraham: "Oh hai, yu pwns dem other kingz. Yu can has cheezburgerz."
2 Therfoer abraham giev him ten presents ov da loot. Him name be king ov justiz. Him be king ov peece too.
3 Him has no dad an mum an kittehs. Him has no birtdai an liev forewer. His liek teh Son of Ceiling Cat. Him is priest for everah.
4 He iz teh bestest!! Even teh funder abraham giveh him tax.
5 Dem kitteh ov levi baking cookies an stuff, must take tax ov teh pepol, even demz brothers ar kittehs ov abraham.
6 But melchizedek iznt one ov dem. Him take tax and giev cheeseburger to abraham as promissing.
7 Cheeseburger iz better tehn monny.
8 Taking monney and die iz stupid. But liev iz best a lot.
9 See! Becaus ov abraham iz paid tax, levi also iz taxed.10 Him wuz in him dad when him meet melchizedek.

Mark 10:46-52
Happy Cat heels blaind begga

46 an dem caem to Jericho. But den, wehn HappyCat leeves town wif hiz deesipulz, an tehres alot uv peepul folloing dem (coz their famus u knoe), look hai, tehres blind begga sits bai teh road. Him calld Bartimaios, son of Timaios.
47 Wen him heard Happy wakls bai, him liek: "Happy Cat, pleez i can has cheezburger!"
48 All teh kittehs wuz liek shush! be qwuiet! srsly! but him yelled lauder: "Happy Cat, pleez i can has cheezburger!"
49 Den Happy Cat stops an sez: "kawl him here." An dey were liek: "dunt feer, him kawls u. go tehre."
50 den he throwes his cloath awai an comez to Happy Cat.
51 "So wut u wantz me to do?" Happy Cat asked. Teh blaind sez: "Pleez, i can has cheezburger?"
52 an den Happy Cat saiz: "u can has ur cheezburger." An teh blaind iz awl liek OMG!!!1! srsly!!! i can has see! i has a happy! an him walkt togethar wif Happpy Cat.

1 comment:

  1. Andrée, I am smiling, this is a lot of work doing this. Unless you have a computer program to do the translation.
    Melchizedek and Bartimaios stories were my favorites. I hadn't remembered that much about Melchizedek.


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