Sunday, November 08, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, November 8, 2009

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Ruth 3:1-5; 4:13-17 or
1 Kings 17:8-16
Psalm 127 or
Psalm 146
Hebrews 9:24-28
Mark 12:38-44




Ruth 3:1-5; 4:13-17

Rith n Boaz makes de wheet

1 Laterz, Naomi sez too Ruth "I am has find you a home for fuds.
2 "Boaz iz relative. Yu has go to the winowin floar.
3 "Get clean n' smeel niec. Ware somthin nice. Be liek a ninja til he don eatin chezburgr n drnkin.
4 "Watch wer he haz lies down an lie nexto his feetz k. He willz known what's about."
5 Ruth sez she will do what shes told.

Davidz fambli an kittens
13 So Ruth is wifes, penis goes where, and thay has teh kid.
14 Teh womuns sez "ZOMG teh Ceiling Cat pwns becuz she has teh kid!
15 "Teh Ceiling Cat gives u cheezburgr; becuz Ruth (she pwns) has teh kid.
16 Naomi is takes teh kid and gives him teh boobies and teh kid is liek "NOMNOMNOM."
17 Teh womuns is gives teh kid name and sez "Naomi has teh kid." Teh womun sez his name iz Obed; he has teh kid Jesse and Jesse has teh kid David (David iz gonna pwn, btw).

1 Kings 17:8-16

8 Ceiling Cat whisperd to Elikhat:
9 Him catwalk to Zarephath of Sidon an der yu stay. Ai aksd a widoe slave-kitteh toh giv yu cookies.
10 Him gud kitteh catwalks to Zarephath an met teh widoe slave-kitteh. Den kitteh aproach teh widoe an aksd for sip ov wotr.
11 Teh widoe giv wotr, also cookies her giv gud kitteh.
12 Widoe kitteh sed toh gud kitteh, wut evr yu sed com from Ceiling Cat, ai wil obei but ai an meh onlei kitten hav flour. dem few nof enuf gud for tow ov us. meh an kitten mey starv toh deth an famin.
13 Elikhat sed toh widoe,pur kitteh, be nof afreid. Catwalk toh yuz kitteh basket. but meyk a tayne cookie toh meh tooh.
14 Becoz teh Ceiling Cat sed toh meh, dem hav famin an sufer, yuz flour wil beh enuf toh yu an yuz kitten, yu wil nof starve toh deth til teh famin wil ovr.
15 Teh pur kitteh went toh her kitteh basket an meyk a cookie an teh flour was nof used up. Dem has cookie toh Elikhat teh widoe an her kitten.
16 Teh was stil der, an dat teh word ov teh Ceiling Cat was fulfild.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Psalm 127
Ceiling Cat iz givr uf da Cheeezburgrz

1 If Ceiling Cat not maek kitteh condo, den condo iz not be maked rite. If Ceiling Cat iz gaurding stuffs, den iz ok for peeps to taek napz.
2 Iz dum to waek up too soon, an to waste napz, an way moar dum to wurk hard for cheezburgrz, cuz Ceiling Cat gives u all teh cheezbrgrz even wehn Him iz sleepin. Srsly.
3 Oh hai. Kittehs r prezentz frum Ceiling Cat- dey ar treats, liek catnip.
4 Liek claws in teh paws, so ar teh kittehs.
5 Iz gud for peeps to has lotz of claws and kittehs, cuz dey can show off
Psalm 146

1 Praise Ceiling Cat
Praise Ceiling Cat, o mai sole

2 I iz in mai life praisin Ceiling Cat all teh timez
I iz singin to Ceiling Cat all mai life

3 Don't be in ur base trustin ur princez
Cuz they iz gunna die an can't do nuffin

4 When their spirits iz in teh sky returning to teh urfs
They is nuffin

5 If u gets Ceiling Cat to help you can haz cheezburger

6 Teh lolcoder of Ceiling and urfs
teh watres and teh fishes

7 He lets hungry kittehs has sammiches

8 Ceiling Cat maikz teh blind kittehs can see
Ceiling Cat liftz up kittehs on 4 legz
Ceiling Cat <3>
funny pictures of cats with captions

Mark 12:38-44
Warnin against teh teachers ov teh law

38 as he taught, Happy Cat sed, "watch out 4 da teachers ov teh law. They liek 2 walk around in flowin robez an be greetd wif respect in da marketplacez,
39 an has teh most important seats in da synagoguez an teh placez ov honor at banquets.
40 they devour widows haus an 4 show mak lengthy prayers. Thees doodz will be punishd most severely."

Teh widows offerin
41 Happy Cat sat down opposiet teh place wer teh offerings wuz put an watchd teh crowd puttin their money into teh temple treasury. Lotz da rich peeps threw in large amounts.
42 but poor widow came an put in 2 vry small coppr coins, worth only fracshun ov penny.
43 callin his disciplez 2 him, Happy Cat sed, "truly i tell u, dis poor widow has put moar into teh treasury than all teh others.
44 they all gaev out ov their wealth; but she, out ov her poverty, put in evrythin - all she had 2 liv on!"



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Weekend Cat Blogging
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Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Edition 110 | Dec 06, 2009
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#295 – Nikita’s Place
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