Saturday, November 14, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, November 15, 2009

Sunday, November 15, 2009

1 Samuel 1:4-20 or
Daniel 12:1-3
1 Samuel 2:1-10 or
Psalm 16
Hebrews 10:11-14, (15-18), 19-25
Mark 13:1-8

1 Samuel 1:4-20

4 Elkanah maek cookies for Ceiling Cat and Penina and Peninas kittehs.
5 an maek moar cookies for Hannah coz Ceiling Cat maed her no can has kittehs.
6 Penina pwnz Hannah. Hannah r pwnz0rd.
7 same nex year an nex year.

Hannah talk to Ceiling Cat
8 Elkanah sez: Hannah, y r u pwnz0rd? y u no eat n'stuff? u no can has kittehs, but u can has me. i r srs huzband.
9 Hannah gowai to priest (him Eli) in Ceiling Cat's house.
10 Hannah sez: hai Ceiling Cat!
11 plz to give me kittehs, u can has dem laterz, k?
12 Eli see Hannah talkin to Ceiling Cat
13 an finks Hannah can has invisible b00ze
14 an pwnz0rs Hannah.
15 Hannah sez: DO NOT WANT! i r talk to Ceiling Cat!
16 ai r sad. srsly.
17 Eli sez: Ceiling Cat can help u.
18 Hannah gowai to Elkanah's base.
19 Elkanah and Hannah PENIS GOES WHERE? Ceiling Cat is watching dem.
20 Hannah can has kitteh call Samuel, cuz i ask fur cheezburger and all ai get is stupid tshirt.

Daniel 12:1-3

1 Then Michael will hovr. All nayshuns will shout DO NOT WANT lyk rly loud srsly. But den ur peepl - evryone who is linkd to from dis blog - will be delivereded.
2 All ur kittehs who sleepeded in all our base will belong to us, some wil rise to eternal cheezburgers and some to perpechool invisible baffs.
3 Those nice kittehz will shine like the greases on teh cheezburgers forever

funny pictures of cats with captions

1 Samuel 2:1-10
Hannah prayz ta Ceiling Cat

1 Hannah prayz n sez:
"Ai ♥ Ceiling Cat
wif Ceiling Cat mah milk is spilt waaaaaay hai
ai hiss wunss an dogz runz awayz...i win!
iz liek yu scratchin' ma bellie all dayz
2 no kitteh iz az gud az Ceiling Cat.
3 don be all "ai pwnz0r" bcuz Ceiling Cat iz watchin yu, an him noez da troof.
4 da klawz ov da big kittehz iz klipt off to da kwik, an evn da bigist kittehz git all tipsi liek wif katnip.
5 kittehz dat haz milks r all "WANT MOR MILK" cuz da milk got all drinktid, an dey need get jobz to bai mor.
but kittehz wit no milks... dey ken haz milks! hooray!!!eleven!!
kittehz wit no babehz now gots seben lil kittehz,
but mama kittehz hoo haz meni kittehz r full ov sad cuz now haz no kittehz at all.
6 Ceiling Cat iz da wun hoo kill, an da wun hoo say "O hai."
7 Ceiling Cat givz much fud to sum kittehz an frum oddrz taek all fud awey.
Him maek sum kittehz sit out in da reyn an let sum lai on da big bed.
8 wehn kittehz iz hav no toyz, Ceiling Cat givz meni toyz an evn much fud.
Him let da kittehz sit at da tebl next to da milk-bringin man. Him let da kittehz sit on da big cheyr.
9 Ceiling Cat maek gud soft paf fer him kittehz. but da ebol kittehz git puttid outsied at niet evn in da reyn, an da mastr no lissn to deyr yowlz.
10 kittehz dat try to catfiet wif Ceiling Cat iz so stoopid, bcuz him wil pwnz0r them. Him ken pwn them evn frum Ceiling.
Him noez hoo iz gud kitteh an hoo iz bad kitteh.
Ceiling Cat iz maek hiz kittehz strong, so dey ken pwn da bad kittehz too.

Psalm 16
Gud Stuffs

1 Hai, Celing Cat, I can has protekshuns?
2 I sez 2 Ceiling Cat: "Hai! Celing Cat! U R teh ooberest! LOL!!!11"
3 if u no lyke den u suck.
4 If u no lyke Ceiling Cat den F U, n00b! Sumthin bout libashuns!
5 Ceiling Cat can has my stuffses.
6 Thx 4 mah howse, Ceiling Cat!
7 U tells me 2 do stuff!
8 Ceiling Cat alwayz be wit me, kinda creepy
9 but oober asum!
10 Cuz u no leev me 4 woomun, Ceiling Cat, even if her chesticlz be hyoooooj!!
11 You teechz me 2 not suck

funny pictures of cats with captions

Hebrews 10:11-14, (15-18), 19-25

11 Evreh day, da priests do dem jobs; ober and ober him give offering, dat no remoofs Invisible Error.
12 But wen dis priest offered for all timez oen sacrifice for da Invisible Error, him sat at rite of Ceiling Cat.
13 Since den, him waiten 4 him ennemeez to be him feet rest,
14 bcuz bai him sacrifice, everyone bein made holee iz holee foreverz. Srsly.
15 Hover Cat sez to. furst him sez:
16 Ceiling Cat promizes aftr dat iz puttin mah rulz in dey hrbl and they chezebrgr.
17 Den him sez, "Srsly, Iz gona be furgeted al dem chezburgrz dey eatd bfor"
18 Wen dez be furgeted, u iznt gona haz to gived Celing Cat tey sakrificez wen uz bad kitteh.
19 K bros, snce we got dem confidnce go to Ceiling by Jeebus blod
20 Wez geted neu way thru him harbl
21 Since we has grate preest at Ceiling Cat hous
22 Get close to Celing Cat after taked baff
23 We has to alwayz be faithfol to teh Ceiling Cat. Srsly.
24 And we has to think aboot give other kittehs Cheezburgrz.
25 We has to has teh meeting, even tho some kittehs DON"T LIKE. U has to tell dem to go to teh meeting. U has to do dis even mor latr.

Mark 13:1-8

1 Az he went out of the temple, one ov hiz d00dz sayd, JC, l00k at teh fancy buildinz!
2 N Jesus sayd unto him, They r gonna get smashed, srsly.
3 N az he sat on teh mount of Olives over against teh temple, Peter n James n John n Andrew asked him,
4 Hay when r u smashin teh buildinz? What iz gonna be teh sign?
5 And Jesus sayd, Watch out or ur gonna get tricked:
6 D00dz r gonna be all "Hey I iz Christ!" and trick some peoplez.
7 Ur gonna hear of warz an roomurz ov warz, dun be skeert: 4 stuff happenz; but iz not game over yet k?
8 4 Nashun shall rize against nation, n kingdom against kingdom: n thar shall be earthquakez in divers placez (skeery!), n thar shall be faminez n troublez: theez r teh birth pains, no flesh iz spared.

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