Friday, November 27, 2009

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the First Sunday of Advent

First Sunday of Advent
Sunday, November 29, 2009

Jeremiah 33:14-16
Psalm 25:1-10
1 Thessalonians 3:9-13
Luke 21:25-36

Jeremiah 33

1 Moarovr, Jeremiah wuz pattd on teh hed by teh paw uv Teh Ceiling Kitty secund tiem when he wuz in da court uv teh prison sayin,
2 So sez Teh Ceiling Kitty hoo made Da Urfs;
3 If U sez "Hey, Ceiling Kitty!", ai wil respond wif cheezburger.
4 Dis iz wut Ceiling Cat saiz bout litter boxes in dis city an fancy litter boxes dat belongz too kingz uv Judah, dat all wuz tore down whilez fightin wif Chaldeans.
5 Dey wil be filled wif dead kittehs dat maked me rilly rilly mad. Srsly. I caint even look at litter boxes cuz kittehs was so bad kittehs.

Psalm 25
Here be of Davidz

1 ::hands ceiling cat a cookie::
2 I puts my stuff wiff u, k Ceiling Cat? don let me be pwned, an don let my enemies pwn me.
3 No an whos hope iz in u will evah be pwned, but dey will be put to shamez who are haterz wid no excuse.
4 Shows mz how toodoo it CEILING CAT lern me da wayz ofz duncle.
5 guide mz in da WURD and lern me, for you iz da CEILING CAT wha safeda me, caz aim contzin on ya from mornen to twelve.
6 dont fo get CEILING CAT, yourz groovay honey and suga, for tha ar fom of zda golden oldeez.
7 dont look atz my bads, o myz cars, butz at da bath tub we i am rinsdz dza badz outz da home indza wall de be for for yuo da man o CEILING CAT.
8 Guud is Ceiling Cat, he sall instruct teh sinnors.
9 He gide teh meek wif justis and wif da meek he shall teech in his waiyz.
10 All teh paths o' Ceiling Cat r teh uber-ness an trooth unto Ceiling Cat's prasies, for u teh man, dood. Srsly.
11 For Jebus' sake, o Ceiling Cat, pardon mah iniquity, for it pwns.
12 is he teh cat who feareth Ceiling Cat? U shall instruct him fo u ar 1337.
13 He'z innercat shall dwell AT ees, an shall inherit t3h landz. srsly.
14 CEILING CAT confidez in themz who phe4r him; ee shewz them his harbls
15 My eyez ar evah on teh CEILING CAT, for only ee noz when I fwap.
16 Turn thee un2 meh, and have teh murcy upon meh for i am tempted by teh Basement Cat, who's path to invisibl error is paved with many katnip pleytings.
17 Teh troubliz ob mah hart r troubld, bring meh out of mah troublnizz.
18 Considar mah invisibl errors an forgiv mah sinz. pleez, for i DO NOT WANT teh Basement Cat in mah closit no moar.
19 Pwn mah manee eminees.
20 Dewiver meh without shame for I take refug in u, o Ceiling Cat, for u pwn lots. Srsly.
21 Let integrity an Happycat-ness perserv meh, for i wate for u.
22 O snap, Israel, Ceiling Cat, reedem meh o mah troublz.

funny pictures of cats with captions

1 Thessalonians 3:9-13

9 Lol I dunno hou us can gib Ceiling Cat enuff cheezburgerz fur awl the lulz him gibs.
10 Eben whn its drk (but iz okayz cuz i can has vizion eben at nights) ai aks Ceiling Cat if is cul fur us tu hang outs agan.
11 Teh ceelin cat hemslf can giv us map markrs to yur twenty.
12 Mai teh ceelin cat maek ur luvs biggar an' maek it ovrflow just liek teh bathrum afta hoomins.
13 Mai he be in ur hart upgradin ur strength so yull be wifout errors in teh persence of ceelin cat an daddy wehn Jebus comes wif teh holie ones.

Luke 21

1 Jebus watched teh church fridg an he sawz fat kittehs throwed in bigg cookiez.
2 Den a poar skinneh kitteh throwed in rly tinie cookie.
3 Jebus wuz liek "Dis tinie cookie iz moar tasti den bigg cookiez. srsly." Teh fat kittehs wuz liek "No wai!"
4 But Jebus wuz all "Wai! Yuz hav lotz for eated. But she haz only tinie cookie an she no eated it!!!"
5 Jebus eated all teh cookiez an waz liek
6 "Dere will be daiz wif NO cookiez!!"
7 An deh fat kittehs wuz all "Oh noes! When will dis happenz? Liek rite now?"
8 But Jebus wuz liek "Nah. Not yetz. But dere will be peeps dat sez 'We can haz apocatlypse?' an yuz shud no followz dem. Cuz deys r jus impersoninatin meh."
9 Wen u haer of liek kitteh fite an stufz, dont be scardy kitteh, for dis stufz must happen 1st an it wont be de end fur de kitteh."
10 Den he sayd to dem " kitteh will fite against kitteh, kitteh house against kitteh house, kitteh bruva aginst kitteh bruva. will be no gud, buh dun be scardeh kitteh."
11 Den Jebus teh Happy Cat sed "dere will be bad tiemz wen der is no cookyz, naut even tiny wunz, and no cheezburgaz."
12 Jebus sayed "buh befoh dis happins, sum bad peeps will come and traiz to eatchoo, fur dey finks dat teh followerkittehz of happycat is gud fur nomz. dey bring u 2 graet houses of teh kingz, and dey will sai 'dese kittehs r fail cuz deys is bff wiv Jebus'"
13 "dis meenz dat dey want to maek joo An Witness to teh uber win that iz meh, Jebus, Teh Happy Cat."
14 "buh dun wurrieez."
15 "cuz i will tell yuu wordz of pwn and epik, and joo shall pwn tehm."
19 Jebus said "If you can has payshuns, you can has teh moar tinie, tastyer cookies!"

funny pictures of cats with captions

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1 comment:

  1. I joined the camera critters. Hope you can find time to visit my very first entry to this meme. Thank you and God bless. Indeed a blessing to see you around.


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