Saturday, January 16, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Second Sunday After the Epiphany, January 17, 2010

Second Sunday After the Epiphany
January 17, 2010

Isaiah 62:1-5
Psalm 36:5-10
1 Corinthians 12:1-11
John 2:1-11




Isaiah 62:1-5

1 4 zions saek im gonna not keep silent, 4 jerusalems saek im gonna not remain quiet, Till her righteousnes shinez out liek teh dawn, Her salvashun liek blazin torch.
2 Teh nashuns will c ur righteousnes, An all kings ur glory; U will be calld by new naym Dat teh mouth ov teh lord will bestow.
3 U will be crown ov splendor in da lordz hand, Royal diadem in da hand ov ur ceilin cat.4 No longr will they call u desertd, Or naym ur land desolate. But u will be calld hefzibah, [a] An ur land beulah [b] ;
4 da lord will taek delight in u, An ur land will be marrid.
5 As young man marriez maiden, So will ur sons [c] marry u; As bridegroom rejoicez ovar his bride, So will ur ceilin cat rejoice ovar u.

Psalm 36

1 Der be a propcey in meh hert 'bout da pointless eorrors of teh eivl dud. der no f3ar of ceilin cat not in him
2 He be all liek, "lok at meh, I be pretteh" nd dey nt see teh notgud stuffs he des.
3 He be all lies. He haz no brin nd does eivl.
4 Evn when he be dyin he haz teh eivl, nd he sez he doez haz good.
5 Yur lvings be all over teh Ceilin.
6 Celing cat haz da goodnes. Ceiling cat does gud fings for deh pplz. Srsly.
7 Yur gudnes be all niec n stuff. Liek shade on a hot day, and we haz sweaty.
8 Dey eat en drink yur stuff. it be gud, srry we no ask, don't smitte plz?
9 U be youthyfiy us. Yur lite be all litey n shine on stuff, n I like chasing eit
10 Plz still luvs us, we needz it bad. We be haz teh gud, rite?
11 Dnt let teh paws of teh eivl guys touch me, i needz meh Ceilin catz
12 Throw dem bad guyz down, cuz I no liek dem plxkaythxbai. Srsly.

itteh bitteh  basement kitteh

1 Corinthians 12:1-11
Spirichl Prezentz

1 Letz talk about spirichl prezentz, bcz I not want u bein ignorntz.
2 Befor u joind Ceiling Cat's church u worshipd idolz.
3 If enniwun sez "Boo on Jesus," day iz not inspaird bai Hovr Cat. N if dey sez "Jesus r00lz," dey is inspaired by Hovr Cat.
4 Hovr Cat givz lotz of prezentz.
5 N u can servz Ceiling Cat lotz of waiz.
6 Ceiling Cat wurkz lotz of waiz in evribodi.
7 Hovr Cat duz thingz for evribodi's good.
8 He givz wun d00d wisdm, anothr d00d informashnz,
9 anothr d00d faith, anothr d00d healin buffz,
10 anothr d00d suprpowrz, anothrd d00d forchntellin, anothr d00d tellin teh differnce betwin spiritz, anothr d00d speakin differnt langwijz, an anothr d00d understandn differnt langwijz.
11 Teh saem Hovr Cat givz all dese different prezentz.

Basement cat

John 2:1-11
Happy Cat Haz a Magic n Ppl Gets Booze

1 Onz teh tihrd dayz, some pplz was gettin hitchded in Cana inz Galilee, and Happy Cat's momz was there.
2 Happy Cat and hiz doodz were liek, "Weez comez 2, lol."
3 All teh booze got drinkt, and Happy Cat's momz was liek, "Tehy gotz no booze. Tihs partee iz teh suck!"
4 Happy Cat sed to hiz momz, "Woman! STFU! Mai timez iz not comez.(Burn!)"
5 But hiz mother wanted teh booze and telled the doodz at teh bar,"He willz makes booze. Does whut he sez to do."
6 Nowz, theres waz some bukkitz for washings teh selfs pures. Tehy holded 20-30 gallonz each.
7 Happy Cat sez, "I gots a plan. Momz wantz booze, she getz booze. Fill teh bukkitz with waterz." And teh doodz fillded dem full.
8 He sed to teh doodz, "Teyk som waters to teh party dood." Tehy didz it.
9 Teh party dood was liek, "Tihs iz teh booze! I lieks tihs booze! Where didz tihs come?" (Teh doodz who broughted teh booze knowd.) Teh party dood wentz to teh pplz gettin hitchded
10 and sed, "WTF!? Most doodz gives teh gud booze first, and tehn crappy booze when pplz iz too drunk to care. But tihs booze pwns!"
11 Happy Cat didded this, teh first of hiz signz, in Cana inz Galilee, and revealded hiz Pwnage; and Happy Cat's doodz beleved in him.


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