Life in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont
I never could write haiku, so my advice may not be very good. I also think that the comma is appropriate. I think that the word "powder" suggests the image you are conveying.
Perhaps 'dust'? That keeps the first line to 5 syllables.Otherwise fine - and punctuation has got to be your call. English is such a dynamic language.
Nice.I mess around with words over and over and over, trying to find just the right one. And then I sometimes end up changing it back. Haiku is a VERY difficult form, but you've done a nice one.
Nice job! i was thinking snow would be good, cept that you use it in the last line. i couldn't help myself from messing with this a little, hope you don't mind. warm dusting of snowweightless flakes drift through the airas the sap riseshope to see round haiku bones again soon!
thank you, rdl. I wish I had written that! It's more like what I was trying to convey!
This is a twist, Andree. Snow is usually cold. The snow I remember best was in a parking lot on Elm Steet (main street) in Manchester. It came down softly and was almost warm...I use a dash sometimes. A haiku is supposed to be a one sentence poem about nature, the last line or five +/- syllables are like a little kicker to the other twelve.A senryū is about personal matters instead of nature. That all is for the purists.So they tell me. In reality it all gets rather loose I think...
Wikipedia has a fairly thorough dicussion. They would have the haiku relate to the seasonal aspect of nature. Googling 'haiku' provides some interesting reading for a bit too.
Love it, and I remember a haiku you did a long time ago that really impressed me.Sometimes I go back and change words, even after the haiga is posted!
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