Friday, March 05, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Third Sunday of Lent, March 7, 2010

Third Sunday of Lent
March 7, 2010

Isaiah 55:1-9
Psalm 63:1-8
1 Corinthians 10:1-13
Luke 13:1-9

Isaiah 55:1-9

1 OMG free cheezburgrz fur all ov yu! No luk at me all like "wtf?!" No sez "DO NOT WANT!" Jus com an get it! Iz tasty gud!
2 Wy yu buy spensiv junk fud whut don fill teh belleh? I got gud stuffs fur yu. Iz not jus cheezburgrz, is GORMET cheezburgrz!
3 Cmere an lissen 2 mai advis so yu can has gud lif wif naps in teh sun an cheezburgr evry day. I iz giv yu kewl an speshul promis leik i givs 2 mai servnt David who wuz bff wif meh.
4 C, i has made him witnes 2 teh peoplez, Leadr an commandr ov teh peoplez.
5 Surely u will summon nashuns u knoe not, An nashuns dat do not knoe u will hasten 2 u, Cuz ov teh lord ur ceilin cat, Teh holy wan ov israel, 4 he has endowd u wif splendor."
6 Seek teh lord while he cud be findz; Call on him while he iz near.
7 Let teh wickd forsaek his wai An teh evil man his thoughts. Let him turn 2 teh lord, an he will has mercy on him, An 2 r ceilin cat, 4 he will freely pardon.
8 "4 mah thoughts r not ur thoughts, Neithr r ur ways mah ways," Declarez teh lord.
9 "as teh heavens r highr than teh earth, So r mah ways highr than ur ways An mah thoughts than ur thoughts.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Psalm 63
Longing for Ceiling Cat

1 O ceeling cat, do want! I lookin' 4 u behind teh sofa, under teh couch, in teh littr box... I has a hungry and no has cheezburger!
2 O hai ceeling cat i see what u did there!
3 O, i has Ceiling Cat an' we're BFF
4 i bless ceeling cat while i has cheezburger and when i no has cheezburger. i scratch teh sofa for his lulz.
5 i eated a cookie and cheezburger and sleeped. thx ceeling cat, U R teh awesum!!1!
6 i sleeped on the bed and think bout ceeling cat, i sat by the window watchin' birdz, thinkin' bout ceeling cat.
7 O hai ceeling cat! U R teh awesum! i sleep on teh couch in ur sun and say MOAR!
8 U make me LOL, O, we R BFF!
9 O, if you fux0r with me an' ceeling cat, u goto basement cat!
10 Den u gotta be outdoor kitteh and teh foxes bite ur harbles.
11 O teh king and ceeling cat are BFF! An if ceeling cat are ur BFF, u can has cheezburger! If no den he haet u soooo hard KBye.

funny pictures of dogs with captions
1 Corinthians 10:1-13
Warningz from Israel's Histri

1 Teh peeplz dat caem befor us wuz all in teh saem boat. Dat is a metafor, dey wuz not realli in a boat.
2 Dey had a baff in Moses naem.
3 Dey eated teh saem cookies. Dat is a metafor too k.
4 An drinkted teh saem milk from teh saem rock. Dat rock wuz Christ. More metaforz k?
5 Ceiling Cat still wuzint happi and lotz of dem died in teh desrt. Dat iz not a metafor, dat realli happnd.
6 Dis wuz to teech us a lesson.
7 Doant worshp idolz. Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT!
8 Doant make teh bad harblez. Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT! 23000 of dem died in wun dai bcz of dis!
9 Doant test Ceiling Cat, who DO NOT WANT an will sendz snaeks.
10 Doant complaen. Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT an will send teh hovr d00d to kil u.
11 So doant do dat.12 Be xtra caerflz k.13 Ceiling Cat woant let u be moare tempted dan u can stanz.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Luke 13:1-9
Be Gud Kitteh or Get Pwned

1 Soem kittehs sez "OMG, Jebus. U heer bout Galileans? Dey gotz pwned bai Pilate! (Him was liek Prezident or sumthink.) HIM BURND DEY BLUDD!!!!!!111!!!!!11 SRSLY!!!!!"
2 Jebus sez, "U tinks dem wuz bad kittehs cuz dem git pwned?
3 No, dem gud kittehs. But u git pwned 2 if u not be gud kittehs.
4 Member dem kittehs dat gotz skwished by Silo'am towr? Wuz dey bad kittehs?
5 No, dem gud kittehs. But u git pwned 2 if u not be gud kittehs.

Storey Bowt Emtee Fud Boel
6 Den Jebus sez, "Onse up on a tiem, a kitteh haz a fud boel, but evry tiem him goez 2 luk, boel is emtee! Srsly!
7 Him wuz liek 'Dis suxs! I trowz dis boel awae!'
8 But him frnd sez 'D00d, sted ov trowz boel awae, u shudz maek it be littrbocks! LOL!
9 Dat teech bad boel a lesin, an maybee den it haz fud necks tiem u luk.'"

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#312 – Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat
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