Friday, March 26, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Liturgy of the Palms
Psalm 118:1-2, 19-29
Luke 19:28-40

Liturgy of the Passion
Isaiah 50:4-9a
Psalm 31:9-16
Philippians 2:5-11
Luke 22:14-23:56 or
Luke 23:1-49

Psalm 118

1 Givz all sortz of madz propz to lieks teh ceiling cat cause he's liek good and such; hiz awesomeness goes on for liek everz.
2 Letz izarail sez "Him luf goes on for liek everz."
3 Let teh family of liek Aaron liek sez "Him luf go on liek forever."
4 Letz those dat fearz teh Ceiling Cat sez "Doods him luf and niceness goez on for liek everz"
5 I was liek in some liek major badness and liek I called for Ceiling Cat: He liek said "Hai I'm hear what u want?", I waz all liek " needed some helpz plz", and den Ceiling Cat cames toed me and liek gives me something. It was a bigly biger big field wif some liek flowerz and suf, Me and Him waz hapi now.
6 Ceiling Cat is liek on me side; I will not be fraid: What could a Grue do to me long as liek Ceiling Cat and his luf is with me.
7 Ceiling Cat taked me parts wif dem that wif me: saying liek dat they willn't have his luf dat I want.
8 It iz liek gooder to liek putz ur selfs faithz in liek ceiling cat tehn to putz ur trustz en likes non ceiling catz ppl.
9 It iz liek gooder to liek put all uf ur trustz in Ceiling Cat than to liek put them in liek royal ppl.
10 All of teh othre ppl liek came aroundz me: but in teh name Celing Cat I wil maked dem luf him.
11 Tey were all liek around me; I mean realy around me, they were around me: but in teh name of Celing Cat I wil maked dem luf him.
12 Tey surronded me liek flowers round a cat in a goodest painting: tey were runed away liek tey food of teh fat house cat: fur in teh name of Ceiling Cat I will maked dem luf him.
13 You haved trust bad at me dat I maybed fall: but Ceiling Cat helped me.
14 Celing Cat is my luf and my music ting, and is liek going to be my happy song luf after I is not live.
15 Teh voice of happyness giving and goodness is in teh places of teh place of teh Ceiling Cat: teh right paw of Ceiling doseth really awesome tings.
16 Teh right paw of Ceiling Cat is taked high: teh right paw of Celing Cat doseth really awesome tings.
17 I will not no live, but live, and sez to all teh good tings of Ceiling Cat.
18 Ceiling Cat has liek learned me good: but he no give me no life.
19 Open teh gate of Celing Cat: I wilf goes into tem, and I shall say how good Ceiling Cat is.
20 Teh gate of Ceiling Cat, so teh goodly good may come in.
21 I will sez how good u is: caus liek u did hearded me, and liek I get good tings liek flowers from u.
22 Teh Celing that teh Grues no want is become teh ceiling of teh building.
23 This is Ceiling Cat's stuf that he is diding; it are awesomly awsome in all of ur eyes.
24 This is teh day which Ceiling Cat did maked; we will do happy dances and be realy glad while we did it.
25 Not now, I ask u, O Ceing Cat; O Ceiling Cat, I ask u, sended me some goodness and maked sure that it's emailed.
26 Good gived is he that is moving in teh name of Ceiling cat: we have gived him all kind of cookies out of his hoze.
27 Celing Cat is teh only Ceiling Cat, which did showed us light: when wes give him cookies, even teh ones wif M&Ms in em.
28 U is my Ceiling Cat, and I will give u mad propz: U is my Ceiling Cat, I will moved u high up on teh scale.
29 O gives teh Ceiling Cat all likes Cheezburgerz; cuz lieks him gewd: for his cooledness goeed on likes 4everz.
Funny Pictures of Cats With Captions
Luke 19:28-40
Happy Cat goes to Jerusalem

28 When Happy Cat haz finished talkingz, he goez on to Jerusalem.
29 When Happy Cat getz close to Bethphage and Bethany, which arez close to the place which the kittehs call the Mount of Olivez, he sayz to two of his kittehs:
30 "go youz to dat village and youz will find a colt and bringz it here."
31 "if any kittehs askz why youz must be telling them "the Master Cat iz needing it."
32 the kittehs went to dat village and findz da colt just like Happy Cat is telling dem.
33 but the kitteh who is owning the colt says "why iz you taking it?"
34 so the kittehs say "cos da Master Cat iz needing it."
35 They iz taking the colt to Happy Cat and iz helping him on to it.
36 As theyz is moving on, the kittehs iz coming out and puding themz cloaks on da ground.
37 As Happy Cat and his kittehs get near the Mount of Olivez, all the kittehs woz happy and woz giving da praise to Ceiling Cat for all the awesomeness their eyez had beholded.
38 Theyz iz saying: "Many noms to da King who comez In da name of Ceiling Cat. Happiness in the Ceiling And much noms in the highest ceilings."
39 Temple d00dz sez "Happy Cat, taek theyz cheezburgers srsly."
40 Happy Cat sez "If they duznt tak, rokz will. Srsly."

Isaiah 50:4-9a

4 teh sovereign Ceiling Cat has given me an instructed tongue,
to know teh word dat sustains teh weary.
him wakens me morning by morning,
wakens mai ear to listen like wun being taught.

5 teh sovereign Ceiling Cat has opened mai ears,
an ai haf no been rebellious;
ai haf no drawn back.

6 ai offered mai back to those who beat me,
mai cheeks to those who pulled owt mai beard;
ai did no hide mai face frum mocking an spitting.

7 becus teh sovereign Ceiling Cat helps me,
ai wil no be disgraced.
therefore haf ai set mai face like flint,
an ai know ai wil no be put to shame.

8 him who vindicates me is near.
who den wil bring charges aginst me?
let us face each other!
who is mai accuser?
let him confront me!

9 it is teh sovereign Ceiling Cat who helps me.
who is him dat wil condemn me?
dey wil awl wear owt like a garment;
teh moths wil eat dem up.

Funny Pictures of Cats With Captions
Psalm 31

1 In yu, o Ceiling Cat, ai haides; dis kitteh dont want to be fownd in littrboxz. Plez send meh to ur richoushnessh ov cookiez an burdiez!!

2 Ai azkin srsly! Make meh monorail kitteh, safe abuv othr kittehs.

3 3-5 Ai has a seekrit. Plez comez findz meh!
Plez beh sofa so ai can haides, plez be meh haidysofa.
Plez keep dis kitteh away from teh trapz.

6 6-13 I haz no leikz fah evewythin but yu, Ceiling Cat.
I mew songs ov yu! Ai give yu all meh cheezburgers!
Yu make meh safe abuv othr kittehs. Safe from dem all wais.
Thx fah bein sofa.
Ai luv yu Ceiling Cat an givz yu all meh cookiz!!
Oh noes! Dere is trap! Be meh sofaz agen!
Ai mew fah yu, cuz teh kittehs fink ai haz uglies!
Ai haz embarrusin! Dey wishen I wuz ded bi diseez!
Dey wishen ai wuz in de toylut bowl!
Ded bonse ai wish ai wuz!
Mai bonse waisted awai cuz ai iz mewing awl dai lawng.
Ai haid in sofa frum dem agen. Ceiling Cat iz mai sofa.

14 14-18 Awlwais, yu haides meh frum Basement Cat's minyunz.
Yu givs meh blankit an fudz an cuddlee.
Yu savz meh cuz yu luvs meh.
Plez to haz embarrusinz on teh ivil kittehs?
Maek dem in the littrboxz! Plez for dem to say "Wai? Wtf?"
Dey call fah meh bad namz an ai mew fah yu!
Dey laff at meh frum the toylut bowl an wantz meh in der wif dem!

19 19-22 Yu give meh cookiez! Yu rly Ceiling Cat!
Ai run to yu an yu haidz meh. An yu haidz awl teh kittehs dat run to yu!
All cheezburgers fah Ceiling Cat! Yu make othr kittehs be fownd in littrboxz,
but not teh kittehs dat givz yu cheezburger! Yu herd mai mew.
Yu grab meh an heer mai mew.

23 Luv Ceiling Cat kittehs! Ceiling Cat haidz yu an meh, srsly!
24 Yu haz RAWR when Ceiling Cat iz on ur side! He iz here to beh haidysofa!

Philippians 2:5-11

5 U shud tihnk liek teh Baby Jeebus:
6 Hoo wuz teh saem as Ceiling Cat, yet nut robber, but deesidid knot to stey up dere
7 an maed himzelf jus liek uss, becumin not Ceiling Cat no mor:
8 Him wuz pretend lessr, nd obeyed thingz til deaf of cross.
9 So Ceiling Cat sez to him, "UZ AWESUM! lol" and callz him nice namez,
10 so dat wen we hears hiz nice namez, we bow at nee nd givez him all deh cheezburgerz, whether we findz dem in teh sky or on teh ground or in teh cavez,

funny pictures of cats with captions

Luke 22:14-19

14 When teh tiem come Happycat an teh oters wuz chillin at teh tablz, lol
15 happycat was sez tat he wanted to haev tis cheezburgers bufor he wuz sposed to be taken to teh betrinarein (except he no come back afur vizit).
16 Cuz tis iz teh las tiem i be eaten tis cheezburgers bufor it maek tru stuff in books by Ceiling Cat in Ceiling Cat's Ceiling.
17 afur takin teh cuppy ting an sed, "taek dis an shares it, srsly, no can has all.
18 Dis is teh las tiem i be drinkin teh joos uh teh tinie rown purbl tings on teh vine til it maek tru stuff in books by Ceiling Cat in Ceiling Cat's Ceiling.
19 He took teh cheezburger buns, sed kthx and rip it. he giev to dem an sed, "taek dis an eats it, dis my bodies, srsly, i meens it, yeah rly; eats it and tink uf me latur. }}

Luke 23:1-49

1 Evribodi gotted up an taeked him to Pilate.
2 An dey wuz all "Diz d00d iz makin trubl, interferin wif teh IRS. He evn sez hez a king LOL."
3 So Pilate wuz liek, "Iz u teh king of teh Jooz?"
Jesus wuz liek "Yep, srsly."
4 Den Pilate wuz liek "Datz not illegl LOL. No wai."
5 But evriwun wuz all "He haz ben makin trubl all ovr Judea, startin in Galilee."
6 Pilate wuz "O RLY? Hez from Galilee?
7 Dat maekz him Herod's problim LOL." So he sended Jesus 2 Herod on teh monorail cat.
8 Herod wuz happi, bcz he had hearded about Jesus an thot he wud do sum trickz
9 He askted him lotz of kweschnz but Jesus didint sai nothin.
10 All kineds of peeplz wuz dere insultin him.
11 Herod an hiz soljrz insulted him too. Dey putted niece clothes on him an sended him back to Pilate.
12 Herod an Pilate wuz not palz bfor, but aftr dat dey maed frendz.
13 Pilate maed evribodi get togethr,
14 an he wuz all "U sez dis d00d iz causin trubl but I cant find no proofz.
15 An Herod cant eithr. I no canz giv him teh deth penlti for doin nothin LOL.
16 So I wil jus taek hiz cookies awai an let him go."
17 Now u needz to undrstand dat dere wuz a big parti comin up, an at dis parti, Pilate had to let wun of teh priznrz go.
18 Evribodi wuz all, "We can haz Barabbas now?"
19 Barabbas wuz a murdrer an he startid a riot too.
20 Pilate wantid to let Jesus go insted so he wuz liek "Iz u sure?"
21 But evribodi wuz all "Kill him wif teh cross!"
22 So Pilate wuz liek "OK thrd tiem. What did dis d00d do rong enniwai? He duzint dezrv teh deth penalti. So i will just taek hiz cookies an let him go hoem k."
23 But evribodi wuz all "CROSS NOW"
24 so Pilate sed "k."
25 He let teh othr d00d go an gaev Jesus to teh pplz.
Teh Cross
26 Whiel dey wuz draggin him awai dey seed Simon from Cyrene an maed him carri teh cross.
27 Lotz of peepl wuz dere, includin sum ladiez who wuz cryin.
28 Jesus wuz liek "U shudnt crai for me. U shud crai for urselvz an ur kittnz.
29 Bcz teh tiem wil com when u wil wish u nevr hadded eni kittnz at all.
30 Den
" 'u will be liek Mountinz, fall on us!"
an hillz, covr us!" '
31 If peepl do dis when there is cheezeburger, what thei do when thei can no has cheezeburger?"
32 Two othr d00dz wuz dere to be eksekutid. Dey wuz criminalz k.
33 Dey caem to dis plaec called teh Skull (rock!) an crucified Jesus betwin teh criminalz.
34 Jesus sed, "Ceiling Cat, forgiv dem, dey duzint know what dey iz doin." An teh guardz playd diec to desied who got Jesus's yarnz.
35 Evribodi maed fun of Jesus. Dey wuz liek "If he is Ceiling Cat's son he shud saev hizself."
36 Teh soljrz wuz liek "LOL" an gaev him vinigar to drink.
37 Dey wuz liek "If u iz teh king of teh Jews, saev urself."
38 An dey putted a sien on him dat sed KING OF TEH J00Z LOL.
39 Wun of teh criminalz wuz bein all rude.
40 But teh othr wun wuz liek "Izint u afraid of Ceiling Cat? U gotted teh deth penalti too, remembr.
41 We dizrv it, but Jesus didint do ennithin rong."
42 Den he wuz liek, "Jesus, remembr me when u getz bak to ur kingdm."
43 Jesus wuz liek "Todai u wil be wif me in ceiling."

Jesus Diez :(
44 It wuz around six an it gotted dark for three hourz,
45 bcz teh sun stoppted shinin. An teh curten in teh templ wuz torn in half. Dat wuz a mirakl, no wun wuz sharpnin dere clawz on it or nothin, srsly.
46 Jesus wuz all "Ceiling Cat, I sendz mai spirit to u." An den he died. Was ver sad, I creid :(
47 Roman kitteh see whut happin, say 2 Ceiling Cat "Jesus good kitteh, not should die D:"
48 Teh ppl that saw gotted sad. Dey rode away wif invisible bike.
49 Peeple taht knew Jesus (teh wummenz too, lol) from Galilee, dey staid 'n' wached.

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