Monday, April 12, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Second Sunday of Easter, April 11, 2010

Second Sunday of Easter
April 11, 2010

Acts 5:27-32
Psalm 118:14-29 or
Psalm 150
Revelation 1:4-8
John 20:19-31

Acts 5:27-32

27 Qwestun tiem for teh apawsals!
28 "Doods, we sed dun preech. But yu go an do it anyway, stoopid!"
29 Peter an teh oder apawsals sey bak, "No. Yu stoopid
30 Ceiling Cat mad Baby Jesus not ded, k?
31 An Ceiling Cat put Baby Jesus nex to his kitteh bed an mak it so him can tak awai INVISIBLE ERROR an mak it al okai, k?
32 An luk, we can has HoverCat, an we see dis stuff. Srsly."

funny pictures of cats with captions

Psalm 118
1 Givz all sortz of madz propz to lieks teh ceiling cat cause he's liek good and such; hiz awesomeness goes on for liek everz.
2 Letz izarail sez "Him luf goes on for liek everz."
3 Let teh family of liek Aaron liek sez "Him luf go on liek forever."
4 Letz those dat fearz teh Ceiling Cat sez "Doods him luf and niceness goez on for liek everz"
5 I was liek in some liek major badness and liek I called for Ceiling Cat: He liek said "Hai I'm hear what u want?", I waz all liek " needed some helpz plz", and den Ceiling Cat cames toed me and liek gives me something. It was a bigly biger big field wif some liek flowerz and suf, Me and Him waz hapi now.
6 Ceiling Cat is liek on me side; I will not be fraid: What could a Grue do to me long as liek Ceiling Cat and his luf is with me.
7 Ceiling Cat taked me parts wif dem that wif me: saying liek dat they willn't have his luf dat I want.
8 It iz liek gooder to liek putz ur selfs faithz in liek ceiling cat tehn to putz ur trustz en likes non ceiling catz ppl.
9 It iz liek gooder to liek put all uf ur trustz in Ceiling Cat than to liek put them in liek royal ppl.
10 All of teh othre ppl liek came aroundz me: but in teh name Celing Cat I wil maked dem luf him.
11 Tey were all liek around me; I mean realy around me, they were around me: but in teh name of Celing Cat I wil maked dem luf him.
12 Tey surronded me liek flowers round a cat in a goodest painting: tey were runed away liek tey food of teh fat house cat: fur in teh name of Ceiling Cat I will maked dem luf him.
13 You haved trust bad at me dat I maybed fall: but Ceiling Cat helped me.
14 Celing Cat is my luf and my music ting, and is liek going to be my happy song luf after I is not live.
15 Teh voice of happyness giving and goodness is in teh places of teh place of teh Ceiling Cat: teh right paw of Ceiling doseth really awesome tings.
16 Teh right paw of Ceiling Cat is taked high: teh right paw of Celing Cat doseth really awesome tings.
17 I will not no live, but live, and sez to all teh good tings of Ceiling Cat.
18 Ceiling Cat has liek learned me good: but he no give me no life.
19 Open teh gate of Celing Cat: I wilf goes into tem, and I shall say how good Ceiling Cat is.
20 Teh gate of Ceiling Cat, so teh goodly good may come in.
21 I will sez how good u is: caus liek u did hearded me, and liek I get good tings liek flowers from u.
22 Teh Celing that teh Grues no want is become teh ceiling of teh building.
23 This is Ceiling Cat's stuf that he is diding; it are awesomly awsome in all of ur eyes.
24 This is teh day which Ceiling Cat did maked; we will do happy dances and be realy glad while we did it.
25 Not now, I ask u, O Ceing Cat; O Ceiling Cat, I ask u, sended me some goodness and maked sure that it's emailed.
26 Good gived is he that is moving in teh name of Ceiling cat: we have gived him all kind of cookies out of his hoze.
27 Celing Cat is teh only Ceiling Cat, which did showed us light: when wes give him cookies, even teh ones wif M&Ms in em.
28 U is my Ceiling Cat, and I will give u mad propz: U is my Ceiling Cat, I will moved u high up on teh scale.
29 O gives teh Ceiling Cat all likes Cheezburgerz; cuz lieks him gewd: for his cooledness goeed on likes 4everz.
funny pictures of cats with captions
Psalm 150

1 Give teh Ceiling Cat props! Givim props in His hause. Givim teh props in Hiz strong hause!!!
2 Givim props for teh mightee acts: givim props based on how much heez awsum.
3 Prayz Him wif teh sound of teh meowin: prayz Him wif teh rubr bandz an scratchin teh screen door.
4 Prayz Him wif teh tamburine an teh DDR: prayz Him on teh guitarz n synths.
5 Prayz Him wif teh loud clatrin uv teh cookie sheets: prayz Him wif teh anoyin soundin metal potz.
6 Srsly u geiz, if u'z breafin u shud be givin teh Ceiling Cat madprops. Props 2 u Ceiling Cat.
funny pictures of dogs with captions
Revelation 1:4-8

4 John seyz, hay teh sehvuhn churchez over therr in Asia: Oh hai, from teh Ceiling Cat whoz alwayz around, an alwayz haz beens around, an alwayz will bes around, and hai from the sehvuhn kittehs sittin next to his mighteh sofuh.
5 Oh, also, hai frum Happycat, who iz liek totally l33t. Srsly. To Happycat who totally luvz us an died for us an stuff,
6 Ur awsum, kthx.
7 Invisibuhl airplane for Happycat! Everwun will see him in teh airplane, even tho iz invisibuhls. Even thoze bad doodz who wuz so mean will seez him, and everwun will be totally bummed. Srsly.
8 Teh Ceiling Cat sez "iz teh lolfa n iz lolmega n i allwayz haz been n allwayz will be also i haz strongness! rawr"

John 20:19-31

Marykitteh Magdacatlene seez Happy Cat
10 Den teh desipuls goez back to der homehs,
11 but Marykitteh stood outside teh plac whar teh ded guise iz crying. As teh lady waz cryin, her bent ovur to look into teh plac whar teh ded guise iz
12 n see two catangels in wiet, seating whar Happy Cat’s husk haf been, one at teh ears n teh otehr at teh paws.
13 Dey ask her, "Why u crying?" "Dey haf taked mai Happy Cat," teh lady seded, "n I dun know whar dey haf putted him."
14 At dis, Marykitteh turned round, but seh dun realize dat it was Happy Cat.
15 "Lady," him seded, "why u howling? Who iz u looking fer?" Finking him was teh garden cat, seh seded, "Sir, if u haf takeded him away, tell meh whar u haf putted him, n I will get him."
16 Happy Cat seded to her, "Marykitteh." Teh lady turned to him n cry out in Catamaic, "Cattoni!" (which meenz smart cat).
17 Happy Cat seded, "Dun paw meh, fer I dun yet coem bak to teh Ceiling Cat. Go instead to mai brother cats n tell dem, 'Ai coem bak to mai First Cat n ur First Cat, to mai Ceiling Cat n ur Ceiling Cat.' "
18 Marykitteh Magdacatlene goez to teh desipuls wif teh noos: "I haf seen teh Ceiling Cat Kitten!" N teh lady told dem dat him haf seded dees things to her.

Da Desipuls Seez Happy Cat
19 On teh evening ov dat first day ov teh week, wen teh desipuls were togetehr, wif teh doors locked fer fear ov teh Joos, Happy Cat caem n stood wit dem n seded, "purring fil u!"
20 After him seded dis, him showed dem him hns n side. Teh desipuls were ovurjoyed wen dey see teh Happy Cat.
21 A gain Happy Cat seded, "purring fil u! As teh Ceiling Cat has sent meh, Iz sending u."
22 N wif dat him breeatedhd on dem n seded, "Smell teh Hover Cat, un eat".
23 If u fergive catz wen dey eat ur cookie, dey are fergiven; if u dun fergive dem, dey are not fergiven."

Thomascat Seez Happy Cat
24 Now Thomascat (called 2catymus), one ov teh Twelf, was not wif teh desipuls wen Happy Cat caem.
25 So teh otehr desipuls told him, "OMG We haf seen teh Ceiling Cat’s Kitten!" But him seded to dem, "His wounz--show dem to me."
26 Later him desipuls iz in teh house a gain, n Thomascat was wif dem. Though teh doors were locked, but Happy Cat waz liek "Oh hai! Purring fil u!"
27 Den him seded to Thomascat, "My wounz--let me show u them. Srsly."
28 Thomascat seded to him, "OMG! U rulz!"
29 Den Happy Cat told him, "Becuz u sees meh, u haf bleevs, iz gud; but iz moar bettr if u dun sees me n stil bleeve."
30 BTW: Happy Cat does a lotz moar big tings n of teh otehr stuffs, n I rites dem daown, but I eated dem.
31 But I dun eated dees stuffs, so u kin bleeve Happy Cat is Ceiling Cat's kitty n haf teh lifes, k?

Weekend Cat Events

Weekend Cat Blogging
#253 Apr 9-11 Breadchick and LB at The Sour Dough
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

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Edition 115 | May 04, 2010 Nikita Cat
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#317 – Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat
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1 comment:

  1. Like the LOL cat pics; now I've got to go read a bible for the rest. This must take you AGES to write!


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