Friday, May 07, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Sixth Sunday of Easter, May 9, 2010

Sixth Sunday of Easter
May 9, 2010

Acts 16:9-15
Psalm 67
Revelation 21:10, 22-22:5
John 14:23-29
or John 5:1-9

Acts 16
Timothy joynez teh Paul an teh Silas

So den Paul camez to Derbe an den to Lystra. Der wuz a desypul naymed Timothy der. Timothy mom wuz a she-joo an she bileevd in teh Ceiling Cat. Buts Timothy dad wuz a greek!! Al teh bruthurz wer liek "Ya Timothy iz kewl. Him stil livd wit hiz mom but him stil kewl." An Paul wuz liek "I wants to be bringin hims wit me!!" and teh bruthurz wer leik "Okai." So dey finds teh Timothy an dey cutd sum skins frum teh tipz ov hiz penes so teh joos would no eated him. Timothy sedz "Ouww!!!!! Wai yu do dat!!!???" an Paul an teh bruthurz sedz "So teh joos no eated yu cuz yu lookz greek!" an Timothy wuz liek "Ya, butz dat hurted!!! Oh wayt itz lookes biggr!! Srsly u guyz Iz biggr! Srsly!!!" Den dey wents frum townz to townz tellin teh peeps wut teh apostles an teh old peeps in teh Jerusalem disaideds for evryone to do. An evry dai teh cherch gots mor strongz an der wuz mor an mor peepz evry dai.

Paul dreamz teh peep in teh Macedoniaz
Paul an hiz peeps went tru teh Phyragia an teh Galatia cuz HovrCat no wantz dem preechen teh Jebus in Asia. Den dey comes to teh edg ov Mysia an wen dey tryd to gets to Bithynia teh speeritz ov Jebus wuz liek "No Wai!!! yu shal no pass!!!!" So dey kept goins downs to teh Troas. Den wen he wuz sleepin Paul seez a doods frum Macidonia siayin "Srsly, Paul! comz to teh Macidonia an heplz us!!!!!! Srsly!!!!!" Den wen Paul wokeded upz he wents to teh Macidonia cuz teh Ceiling Cat wantzed hims to.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Psalm 67

Weez want Ceiling Cat two feelz bad for us and liek us lots; and look at us from Ceiling. Alz places and kittehs shud know bout Ceiling Cat, and luvs Ceiling Cat.

Alz places shud be happeh cuz Ceiling Cat luvs us alz. Alz kittehs does luv Ceiling Cat; alz kittehs shud luv Ceiling Cat!

Dis place has lots of cheezburgers; Ceiling Cat has made dis so. May Ceiling Cat liek us lots, and alz kittehs shud feer Ceiling Cat!Srsly.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Revelation 21:10-22-22:5

10 He showded me Jerusalem which is weerd if u thinkz about it.
11 It wuz shini.
12 Dere wuz writin on teh doorz.
13 An dere wuz twelv of dem.
14 Dere wuz namez writtin on teh wall too.
15 Teh hovr d00d hadded a stik.
16 Teh citi wuz squaer an kinda big.
17 Teh wall wuz big too.
18 An all shini.
19 Teh wall was shini too.
20 An colrfl.
21 Teh doorz n evn teh street wuz shini.
22 No tempul tho, bcz Ceiling Cat is itz tempul.
23 Itz so shini it duzint need a sun or a moon.
24 Its so shini.
25 U nevr haz to cloes teh doorz bcz it nevr getz dark LOL.
26 Evribodi will go dere. (also its shini)
27 Just teh good peeplz tho. It iz bai invitashn onli.

1 Birdcat sayz bafftime and showz me baftub of Ceiling Cat. Oh noes!
2 Hidez in treez, pretendz to be appelz.
3 Skycat goez to city where he haz Survant-kittehz.
4 Survant-kittehz hav Skycat tattooz on faces. srsly
5 Turn light off. Too brite! Survant-kittehz wif Ceiling Cat forever alweiyz

John 14:23-29

23 Jebus saiz, “If ne kitteh luvs me, he doez mai rulez, den Ceiling Cat luvs him and we coem movn in wif yu and stufs.
24 Teh kitteh who no luv Jebus no doez dem rulez. Btw I no maek dis mesij, dis mesij iz bein frm Ceiling Cat, who sented me.”
25 “I sain dez tings wiz me bein heer.
26 But Hovercat, wot Ceiling Cat bein sendn, will be teechin yuz evrytink, den yuz knowez evrytink I been sayn aftr yuz frgetzez.”
27 “Peece I leev wif yu, I givs it to yu, haf fun! kthx. Don’t be fraidycats nor scaredeycats.
28 You heerz me sez liek ‘I bez goin to see Ceiling Cat but brb’. If yu luvded me, den yu bez liek ‘w00t!’ and stufs coz Ceiling Cat bez teh pwnz0r.
29 I haf told yuz dez tings nao befr stuf hapns, so wen dey hapn yuz be liek, “WAI!!! HEZ BE DOIN MIRAKLZ. HE BE DOIN PROFFEY... PROFFEH... sayn fewchr stufs. OMGZ!! We beleevs!”

John 5:1-9
OMGWTF Jebus mayd me wawk!!1!

1 Afterwurds Jebus ceam backz at Jerusalem an wuz attending jewie holidays lol
2 in teh cities, near teh Sheep Gate, wuz teh pewl of Bethesda (not teh game developer lolz)
3 Bunchez of sick ppls wuz layin' in ur porches, waitin' for teh healingz
4 fur an angels of teh Ceiling Cat ceam frum tiem to tiem and stirrred up teh water, and teh first sick ppl to get in wuz healsded
5 Wun uv teh mans wuz sik fur thirty eight yeers
6 When Jebus saw him he knowed he wus ill for long tiem, he asked him "rofl, would u liek to get wells??"
7 The sick dood wuz leik "wtf, I cant"
8 Jebus wuz like "Stand up, get ur sleepin matz, and walk1!!!1"
9 And teh man rolled up teh sleepin' matz and walked!!111! But this miracles happnd on teh sabbth days.

Weekend Cat Events
Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
#257 May 7-9 Jules and Vincent at Judi’s Mind Over Matter
(see the week’s host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Edition 116 | Jun 06, 2010 Miz Mog
Optional Theme
(submit your post here)

The Carnival of the Cats
#321 – Meowsings of an Opinionated Pussycat
(submit your post here)

Ree-purrted by KC

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Kitty Limericks

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