Friday, May 14, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Seventh Sunday of Easter

Seventh Sunday of Easter
May 16, 2010

Acts 16:16-34
Psalm 97
Revelation 22:12-14, 16-17, 20-21
John 17:20-26

Acts 16
Timothy joynez teh Paul an teh Silas

So den Paul camez to Derbe an den to Lystra. Der wuz a desypul naymed Timothy der. Timothy mom wuz a she-joo an she bileevd in teh Ceiling Cat. Buts Timothy dad wuz a greek!! Al teh bruthurz wer liek "Ya Timothy iz kewl. Him stil livd wit hiz mom but him stil kewl." An Paul wuz liek "I wants to be bringin hims wit me!!" and teh bruthurz wer leik "Okai." So dey finds teh Timothy an dey cutd sum skins frum teh tipz ov hiz penes so teh joos would no eated him. Timothy sedz "Ouww!!!!! Wai yu do dat!!!???" an Paul an teh bruthurz sedz "So teh joos no eated yu cuz yu lookz greek!" an Timothy wuz liek "Ya, butz dat hurted!!! Oh wayt itz lookes biggr!! Srsly u guyz Iz biggr! Srsly!!!" Den dey wents frum townz to townz tellin teh peeps wut teh apostles an teh old peeps in teh Jerusalem disaideds for evryone to do. An evry dai teh cherch gots mor strongz an der wuz mor an mor peepz evry dai.

Paul dreamz teh peep in teh Macedoniaz
Paul an hiz peeps went tru teh Phyragia an teh Galatia cuz HovrCat no wantz dem preechen teh Jebus in Asia. Den dey comes to teh edg ov Mysia an wen dey tryd to gets to Bithynia teh speeritz ov Jebus wuz liek "No Wai!!! yu shal no pass!!!!" So dey kept goins downs to teh Troas. Den wen he wuz sleepin Paul seez a doods frum Macidonia siayin "Srsly, Paul! comz to teh Macidonia an heplz us!!!!!! Srsly!!!!!" Den wen Paul wokeded upz he wents to teh Macidonia cuz teh Ceiling Cat wantzed hims to.

funny pictures of cats with captions

Psalm 97

1 ceiling cat rools! Woot!
2 clouds n darkness be around himz laik he's on fire.
3 teh fire splodes in front of him and pwns his enemies
4 hiz lazor eyes shine light n make earthquaikes!
5 he uzes them to vaporize mountianz
6 even teh ceiling thinks he'z cool and teh peoplz liek him too
7 no want other kittehs. Only Ceiling Cat.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Revelation 22:12-14, 16-17, 20-21

12 Happy Cat sayz "incomingz!" (reelly dis time)
13 "Ai is the Lolpha and the Lolmega, the First and Last and Always" (goff kittehs lov dis bit)
14 "Cheezburgrz be wif kittehs wot had a baff"
15 "Magic dogs are outside! Run awayz!"
16 Ceiling Cat's kitteh is shiny.
17 Uthirst? MOARRRR? k, iz free!
18 Birdcat say: if pplz adz stuff to teh profetzi of book, Ceiling Cat make them sicz, leik sayed in book.
19 And if pplz photoshpz the Heliez Bibul, Ceiling Cat sez no can has cheezburger!
20 BRB
21 Da grase of Happy Cat da Nointed Cat be wit u kittehs fer evr n evr kthxbai. Fer rlz. kthxbai! (Hai tis end! Srsly! No lai!)

funny pictures of cats with captions

John 17:20-26
Jebus All Him Kittehs Praiez Srsly

20 “Ai not askng jus fur deez, but all teh kittehs taht believ in meh thru daer werd,
21 taht dey all is wun. Liek yu, daddy, is in meh, an iz in you, dey can be in us too? Cuz den teh werld could noe taht yu sent meh.
22 Teh glaury taht yu wuz liek, “take tihs,” wiht, ai was liek, “taek tihs,” wiht too. Now dey has teh glaury too. But tihs a good tihng, cuz now dey be wun, liek wez wun.
23 Iz in dem, and yuz in meh, so tehy be compleet, wiht no missing peaces. Tehn teh werld noes yu sent meh, an taht yu luvz tehm, jus liek yu luvz meh.
24 Daddy, ai want should dose taht you sed ai culd haev, can coem wiht meh. Wehre ai is, dey be too, to look at mai glaury. Tahts teh glaury yu giev meh befoer teh urf was foundationed.
25 Mihgty daddy, teh werld not noe yu, but it be k, cuz ai noes yu. An mai kittehs noes yu sent meh too.
26 Ai has maed yur naem so dey noe it, an ai maek it noed soem moer latrz, cuz tehn teh luv yu has fur meh can be in dem. An ai wants to be in dem too. Srsly.

Weekend Cat Events
Get ready now cuz the wild weekend is coming!
Board the Friday Ark at The Modulator (submit your post here)

Weekend Cat Blogging
(see the week’s& host to enter your WCB post in the comments for the weekend roundup)

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos
Optional Theme
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The Carnival of the Cats
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