Friday, May 21, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Pentecost, May 23, 2010

Pentecost Sunday May 23, 2010

Acts 2:1-21
Genesis 11:1-9
Psalm 104:24-34, 35b
Romans 8:14-17
Acts 2:1-21
John 14:8-17, (25-27)

Acts 2:1-21
Teh HovrCat Has Got To Teh Pennycots

1 Wen teh dai of teh Pennycots cam, dey wer togedder in won plays.
2 Den, holy moos, a sawnd lyk many kittehs yellin "MIAO!" cam frum teh ceiling and filld teh hawse wher teh d00ds wuz chillin.
3 Dey sawd lickys of fyre dat cam ovr ther heds and omg it burnz! it burnz! Oh wait, no it dont!
4 All of them d00ds wuz feelin' teh Hover Cat,
an dey all talkd in stranj LOLspeek lik:
"I do say sir, what have we got here? I do believe there
are tongues of fire-like substance coming upon our heads.
and making us speak in quite the funniest way."
wtf iz wit dat? Cuz teh Hover Cat maed it happn, w00t!
5 Now teh d00ds wuz chillin in Jerooslum, Joos who feerd teh Ceiling Cat, frum evry nashun undur teh Ceiling, srsly.
6 Wen dey herd da sawnd, a litter caym and wer lyk, “No Wai!” cuz dey all talkd in weerd LOLspeeks.
7 Wow'd fer shur, dey axed,"Arnt deez teh d00ds who speekd Gallyleen bfor, watz happnin?
8 Den haw duz we heerz our naytiv LOLspeeks? Srsly!"
9 Angoras, an Manxs an Tabbies; an kittehs frum Persia an Abyssinia,
10 an Ejipt an teh partz of teh Burma neer Siam. Der were also kittehs frum resurch labz!
11 both teh Joos and da switchies two Joodyizm frum teh feilds an aleewaiz, herd dem,
"we heer dem myowin' teh 1ders ov teh Ceiling Cat in aur LOLspeeks!” WTF?
12 Wow'd and confoozd dey sez, "WAI DO THEY SPEEK DIS WAY?!?! WAI?"
13 And sum peepl LOL’d at dem and sed:
“Ya, rite. Dey nom too much gatorade, Srsly.”
Don wurry, Ceiling Cat pwnz dem peepl l8r. Kthx.
14 Den Peter stowd up wit teh eleven an sed to teh cwowd: "Oh hai!
15 Weez not drunk sillee! It be nine ay em, DO NOT WANT!
16 U know wut Joel teh profitz sez? Wel I tell yu:
17 'In teh last daiz, Ceiling Cat sez,
Im in ur urthz, puurin teh spiritz on all kittehs,
Ur suns and doters can has profisies,
Ur yung kittehs can has fun time in teh eyez!
Ur old kittehs can has fun time in teh branez!
18 Yo!
I can has be puttin my spiritz on even teh servents! RLY!
And dey can has profisies.
19 Iz gunna show u all ov teh fun stuffs up in teh Ceilin, srsly.
Oh! Yeh! Iz almos can has no memowies. Iz awso gunna show fun stuffz on teh urthz.
Oh wate, dos not fun! Urthz can has firez an smoke. Kawf! Kawf! DO NOT WANT!
20 Teh big day staw, no moar!
An teh moon can has be all blud and stuffz. Yuk!
but den Happy Cat can has be back! Yayz!
21 An evewywun who be like "Happy Cat!" can has cheezburger! Rly!'


Genesis 11:1-9
Teh Towur ov Babel

1 And all uv de Urf was lolcatspeekinkz usin' lolcats werdz.
2 Whial teh menz be movin' eest, they finded vallee in teh land uv Shinar an sitted ther.
3 Dey sed "hai, letz maek teh brix an make 'em harrd wif fiir." So dey uzed brix for ston an bitumen (wtf izzat?) for mortar.
4 Den dey sed "hai, letz maek reel tall towerz for us so we be togethr forevr!"
5 So, Ceiling Cat comeded down an saw teh men an ther towerz.
6 Den Ceiling Cat sez "Oh noes, if they all togethr after mah hi spot, they gonna get mah hi spot!
7 I gots'ta confuzzle 'em and stop 'em!"
8 Dat's wai Ceiling Cat pwned 'em an dragd 'em away from ther towerz. Dey stop buldin' after dat.
9 So teh towerz wuz calld Babel cuz Ceiling Cat made teh men babbul ther befor movin' dem.

funny pictures of cats with captions
Psalm 104

1 Hai Ceiling Cat, I praizes u! U iz so kool, u wearz koolnez!
2 He is all wrapppd up in prety lites, and rollz out teh Ceiling liek tentses
3 and he gots a penthause up there. Ooo! He ridez in ur clowds, and surfz in ur windz.
4 Teh windz even talkz 4 him, n teh firez doez what he sez, srsly!
5 Ceiling Cat made teh Urth on teh fl0r, and u karnt mez it up.
6 Teh watr wuz all ova it, rite up 2 teh mntns.
7 U screemd and teh watr wuz gon; u just yelld n ther it went -
8 the mnts went up, n teh vallys went dwn - in teh plais u wantd.
9 Yew dun mess kz? R-Lce yew gun go outsidez, k?
10 Him maek da big cheezbrgr flow tru da Urth.
11 De guna geeb yew phude, ya.
12 Dem berdiez gun geeb yew da harblz.
13 Ceiling Cat geeb da Urth da gud meelk, den hee sleepz leik slaxxor.
14 He made graz for awl teh m00c0ws, and erbs for man so that he may get the munchies.
15 He made likker to get peepul tyred 4 teyh can has cat nap, oyil to maek greesy ph00d fer speshul hang-ovahs, and bred.
16 Him mek sum trees grew in sum hole in teh Midul Eest
17 Burd make nests 4 yung ph00dlingz , storks liv in fur trees.
18 upgrayded ram satz on hillz ses, "oh hai, Celing Cat made tis 4 muh u can go now."
19 The moon trakz sezinz, and the sun kn0ez when him taek nap.
20 Ceiling Cat teh awlmitee maeks it nite, and moocows and udder stufz comes out of the forest.
21 yung liyins com owt and seek Ceiling Cat's cheezburger but Ceiling Cat has tuh ses, "wtf i luk liek i not walrus u dont steel frm muh, gtfo ur goin Basement, k? thnxbai."
22 Wen sun c0me up tey go to crib for litul wilez.
23 sunz 0f adum work awl day and rest teh bownz al nitez.
24 Ceiling Cat has butt lowdz of cheezburger and cookie but He dont giv to teh pepul dey maek invizbul error
25 In the oshinz dere fishiz but sumtimz fish slip way so u get no ph00dz, but u can praize Ceiling Cat
26 Leviathans eated ships and efurt, but not Ceiling Cat's yawt were he be tokin with the lyunz at nite.
27 teh ppl say, "Ceiling Cat, are hungry." Ceiling Cat ses, "Oh oh butt u do aks of wurship then ph00dz, k? bai."
28 He fez tey by hand
29 He luks away then pops a cap in tey sinful self.
30 He comes to teh tiny urf, makes fudz, and it lives
31 Ceiling Cat lives 4evah, so don't think you can dis Him and get off
32 Him peekz lookz at the 'urf' and she trembles, he touches the 'hills' and tey smok.
33 You gotta rap the good rap about Ceiling Cat, or else he's gunna curze wiminz agin.
34 "Mi meditashun of Him be sweet: I will b glad in the Ceiling Cat teh almitee."
35 Dun be dumb, geeve Ceiling Cat ur soulz, will gib cheezbrger
funny pictures of cats with captions
Romans 8:14-17

14 Invisible Cat rulz, srsly, an can maiks u kittnz uv Ceiling Cat.
15 Yu invisible kitty, in yu, it shoodent be fraid; but choo 'dopted Invisible Cat an u can meow-meow, "Abba, Big Daddy Cat."
16 Invisible Cat seez our own invisible kitty, an sez we be kitnz uv Ceiling Cat:
17 An kittnz, den der kittnz; kittnz uv Ceiling Cat, an der kittnz of Happy Cat; Iffn we getz bit anna poked inna eyez, den webe brudderz poked inna eyez togeddr, RAWR srsly.

funny pictures of cats with captions
John 14:8-17, (25-27)

8 Philippus sed, “Yu showez us Ceiling Cat, den we bez happycatz.”
9 Jebus saiz, “Scuse me? Yu iz not knowin me? Yu seez me, yu seez Ceiling Cat. Wai yu not getz it?
10 I iz curld up insaid Ceiling Cat an Ceiling Cat is curld up insaid meh. Ceiling Cat iz talkin and workin when I iz talkin and workin.
11 Doent ual c mirakllz? If yu canneh bleiv mah wordz yu can still bliev mirakllz.
12 Kitteh wud no lie! An gess wat. I haz rly gud deel fr yuz. Yuz can do same stuff Iz doin wit powr ov Ceiling Cat. BTW, yuz can do evn bettr stuf coz I goin brb to Ceiling Cat.
13 Wen I goez bak to Ceiling Cat, yu say "In Jebus' name" an I do all stufs fr yu! Den Ceiling Cat getz all praise from all kittehs!
14 Aks me nefin! Den I doez it. I doez it fr yu.”

Teechin bout Hovercat
15 “Yu luvs me, yu doez mai rulez.
16 Den I aks Ceiling Cat, an him snd hlpr to liv wif yu – Hovercat, wot Urfs can’t see.
17 But yu knowez him, an him bez curld up insaid yu, but not becum nu baybeh kitteh. srsly.
18 I will no leev kittens, I come fr yu.
19 Soon I bez invisible to dem others, but yuz can see me, coz I be livn an yuz be livn.
20 Uz noez den taht I bez curld up in Ceiling Cat and yuz be curld up in me and I bez curld up in yuz.
21 Kittehs wot doez by mai rulez iz bein luvs me. Den Ceiling Cat luvs yu an I luvs yu and you will see me.”
22 “Lord,” Judas (not dat evl traitr, srsly) sez “Oh hai... Wots dis!! yu iz bein reveeln yurself to ony us n not to evry kitteh? WAI????”
23 Jebus saiz, “If ne kitteh luvs me, he doez mai rulez, den Ceiling Cat luvs him and we coem movn in wif yu and stufs.
24 Teh kitteh who no luv Jebus no doez dem rulez. Btw I no maek dis mesij, dis mesij iz bein frm Ceiling Cat, who sented me.”
25 “I sain dez tings wiz me bein heer.
26 But Hovercat, wot Ceiling Cat bein sendn, will be teechin yuz evrytink, den yuz knowez evrytink I been sayn aftr yuz frgetzez.”
27 “Peece I leev wif yu, I givs it to yu, haf fun! kthx. Don’t be fraidycats nor scaredeycats

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