Sunday, July 18, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Amos 8:1-12
Psalm 52     
Genesis 18:1-10a
Psalm 15
Colossians 1:15-28     
Luke 10:38-42

Amos 8:1-12 
A Froot Baskit

1 Ceiling Cat showded me a baskit of riep froot.
2 "What u seez, Amos?" he askted.
 "A baskit of riep froot, duh," I sedded.
 Den Ceiling Cat wuz liek, "Teh tiem is riep for mai peeplz in Israel. I iz not lettin dem off teh hook enni longr."
3 Ceiling Cat sez "Peepl will stop singin in teh templ an crai insted. Dere wil be bodiz all ovr teh plaec LOL!"
4  Lissin up, u who iz steppin on teh poor peeplz
  an killin dem too,
5  u iz all liek
  "Izint it tiem yet
  for us to sell cookies?
  rippin peeplz off
  an charjin too much?
7 Ceiling Cat wuz liek "I iz not goin to forget dat enni tiem soon.
8  Teh whoal countri wil shaek bcz of dis
  an evribodi in it wil be sad.
  Teh whoal countri wil riez up liek a rivr floodin
  an get stirrded up an den sink LOL."

9  "When dat day comz," sez Ceiling Cat,
  "I wil maek teh sun go down at noon
  an teh wrld wil be dark.
10  U wil be cryin insted of partyin
  an cryin insted of singin.
  I wil maek u waer a papr bag
  an shaev ur hedz LOL.
  It wil be az bad az losin ur onli kittn
  an evn teh end of teh day wil suk.
11  "Teh tiem iz comin," sez Ceiling Cat,
  "when i wil maek evribodi hungri -
  not hungri for cookies or thrsti for milkz,
  but hungri to heer mai wurdz.
12  Peepl wil go all ovr teh plaec
  from wun end of teh countri to teh othr,
  lookin for teh wrdz of Ceiling Cat,
  but dey woant find dem LOL.

funny pictures of cats with captions
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Psalm 52

1 Lyk WHY do u purr cuz of teh ebil, u mighty kitteh? Why do u purr all day long--teh disgrace of teh eyez of teh Ceiling Cat u is nao!
2 U tongue, it be plotting teh destructionz; it be like a sharpened kitteh claw, u who be plotting to steal teh bukkitz.
3 U luv teh pooches (EBIL, lol) an not teh kittehs (GUD, plz); fakerz an not saying teh truthz.
4 In ur kitteh haertz, u has luv for teh ebilness. O, u has a bad tongue!
5 U no Ceiling Cat be punting u down to ruin; he will use u as teh baad scratching post an he will taer u from ur litterbox an he will put u in teh lair of teh pooches!
6 Teh gud kittehs will see an be afraid! They will laff in at him, seyz,
7 "Here be teh kitteh who think he is teh l33t--too l33t for teh Ceiling Cat; he lyked his catnip better than teh Ceiling Cat! He be scratching others an getting strongerz."
8 But I be lyke a blooburry bush an I be flourishin' in teh ceiling fan of teh Ceiling Cat; I putz mah trust in Ceiling Cat's unfailing luvz an I purr his praises forevr and evr.
9 I lift up mah catnip an praizes forevr for wut u has doen for mah life! In ur name I be hoping an I will praize u in teh presence of teh holi kittehs!

Basement Cat - now available in travel size.
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Genesis 18:1-10a
Sarah lolz, Abraham pesturs Ceiling Cat

1 Nao Abraham wuz rlxn an Ceiling Cat wuz liek "O hai"
2 But wehn Abraham wuz liek "o hai" ther wuz three menz an he wuz leik "WTF" an he bowded hisself
3 He sed "srsly, hang out
4 Yu can has watur an rest
5 An yu can haz cheezburgr." An three guise sed "we can has!"
6 so Abraham went tu Sarah an wuz liek "Maek sum cookehs an dont eated dem!"
7 An he went tu hiz moocows an maed teh best wun teh ded for tu eet
8 An he sed tu three men "heer, yu can has"
9 An tehy wur liek "Whar yur woomun?" An Abraham sed "ovar thar"
10 An sed "Srsly, wehn we coem bak she gonna be teh preggers" An Sarah herd dis11 BTW: Abraham an Sarah wur teh OLD, srsly, an Sarah wuz tu old 4 teh baybees.12 An Sarah lold an wuz liek "No wai! We ar teh old!"

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Psalm 15

1 Oh, hai, Ceiling Cat, hu gona curl up in ur tabby-nackle?
Hu gona pet ur fuzy bely?

2 Teh d00dz taht stan up strate,
flip cheezburgrz 4 minimum w/out complanez,
n no lyez.

3 Teh d00dz taht not trols,
not pulz ur leg, not DOS atak ppl,
n not get retardid.

4 Teh d00dz taht no a trol wehn tehy seez him;
but greetz 2 teh d00dz taht is chiken o Ceiling cat.
Oh, n no politishuns.

5 N DO NOT WANT d00dz taht lone u mony for cheezburgr
but wan interist on toozday.
U r so pwnd!

Basement Cat Jr - he haz minions too
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Colossians 1:15-28    
The Supremacy of Christ

15 'e is de imigz ov da invisibl Ceiling Cat, da furst cat ovr dem rest.
16 4 he maded all stufz: stufz in da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat 'n stufz on dis planit, visibl an' invisibl, if they iz seatz ov base or bossmen or bossmen ov bossmen, he maded dem 4 himselfz!
17 He iz wat iz befor all stufz, and he maik all stufz b.
18 He iz da 'ead ov da body, da churchz!: he is da begining and teh furst cat from da zombicatz, so whatevir iz he iz bossman!
19 4 de Ceiling Cat was hapi to haf everithin in 'im,
20 'n be also da settlimnt-maker ov all playces, even if iz in da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat or on dis planit, so he go to da X and bleedz.
21 So, sumtimez befor knauw, u was aliented fron da Ceiling Cat, 'n was enemiez in ur mindz 'cos u waz evyl!
22 Buh knauw, he meik settlimnt wif u by Christz bodi dieing to givez u howly in hez sight, no dirtz and bad wurdz -
23 if u continus in ur belieffs, rly 'n rly, no thoughz awai fron da hopez in da gospil. Dis is da gospil u haz heardid 'bout 'n iz toldz ta all catz undir da hoodz ov da Ceiling Cat, and ov whicz I'z, Paul, me iz a servants ov.
Paul's Labor for the Church
24 So, maik funney (mabbe cheezburgr 2?) 4 wat iz suffrd 4 youze, 'n I'z filling me up wif wat mising wif Christz painz and sufferingz, 4 hiz bodi which b da churzch!
25 I'z am servants 'cos teh Ceiling Cat azk mi, so I givez u da wurdz ov teh Ceiling Cat, srsly! -
26 da hidn sicrits ov loong timez, knaw givin ta All Saints.
27 Ta dem teh Ceiling Cat has pick'd to givez amongk dem non-Jebz dem glawriaws ritches ov dis misteree, and dat is da Christ in you'ze, da hawp ov glawry!
28 W sez abaot 'im veri importanz, teling allz, all ov all ov thingink, 'n stufz, so w b purrfec in Christ.

New basement cat tactics - now offering cuddly  toys in return for souls...
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Luke 10:38-42
Martha an Mary

38 Den Jebus goed to howse of too sistahs namd Martha an Mary.
39 An Mary sitted an lissend to Jebus teech.
40 But Martha wuz buzi makin cookiz an cheezburgrs. An her sez "Jebus, dis hard werk! Tel Mary coem to kichen an halp me!"
41 Jebus sez "Martha, chillz! LOL!
42 Lissen iz moar betterer dan werk. We ordrz pizza or soemthink."

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1 comment:

  1. I am not religious, so I don't get this series of posts. Love the LOL cat pics though.


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