Friday, September 24, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, September 26, 2010

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Jeremiah 32:1-3a, 6-15
Psalm 91:1-6, 14-16
Amos 6:1a, 4-7
Psalm 146
1 Timothy 6:6-19
Luke 16:19-31

Jeremiah 32:1-3a, 6-15
Jeremyah bizes a lotta feeldzes!

1 Dis iz da wurd dat comded to da Jeremyah kitteh frum teh Ceiling Cat. It comded ten yeers aftur da King Kitteh, Zedukeeah (he were duh king-o-judah)
2 Teh war kittens o dah king kitteh o Baibeelon were doin teh beseejin oh dah holiez boxes, jeruslm. Jeremyah wuzz dah futur seer (not dah bullfrog lol!) n he wuzz made to sit in dah lawnz o dah securty manz iin dah palaz o judah. srsly.
3 Now, zedukeeah, dah rulah kitteh o judah maded him sit der n saiz, "what wit yur futur seen?!? SRSLY! u be saiz, 'dis iz whut Ceiling Cat saiz: I r gonna giv dis box to dah rulah kitteh o baibeelon n he gonna cap yur flag!
4"'Zedukeeah, u iz nut gonna be goin no werz, u gonna sai hai to dah utter rullah kitteh, n he gon seez u wit hiz ayz!
5"'teh Ceiling Cat saiz, he gon takded u to dah baibeelon, n u gon stay der wit him till ai deel wit him, jus go, srsly.'"
6 Jeremyah kitteh sai, "Hay! B kewl! dah wurd o teh Ceiling Cat cameded to meh!:
7 "Haynamel, sun o shahlum, ur cuzzin iz comded to u n sai, 'purchasez mah feeldz! cauz itz yur dootiz! fyi!' ai knowed day dis wuz dah werd o Teh Ceiling Cat;
8 So mah cousin Haynamel camed 2 meh in da cort ov teh prizin accordin 2 teh werd o Teh Ceiling Cat, an sed to meh, buy mah feeldz, dat iz in anathoth, which iz in da cuntry ov Binjahmin: 4 da rite of inheritence iz urz, an teh redempshun iz urz; buy it 4 u and ur friends. Den ai knew dat dis wuz dah werd o Teh Ceiling Cat an stuffs.
9 An ai botted teh feeldz frum mah cuzzin Haynamel, an givved him teh munny, seventeen shiny things.

funny pictures-The transition from good to evil  Now in kitteh timeline form
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Psalm 91

1 U dat iz in seekrit box wif Ceiling Cat iz under All-Pwnzer
2 Sez uv Ceiling Cat, iz mah under-cowch an bukkit, an i gots trust in him
3 Iz gonna saev U frum teh spyderwebz an frum teh vakuum cleenr.
4 Him iz can cuvr U wif fethrs an under hiz wings U iz safe (Ceiling Cat iz burd?) Hiz truth is can be ur bukkit.
5 U iz not skeerd uv big skaries in nite, r the bad kittehs in the day
6 Or teh dogz in teh drkness, r of bafftiem.
7 1000 can haz fall dwn, 10000 goz bum, but not u! Srsly.
8 U just see teh bad kittehs getz pwnd, k?
9 C u maded Ceiling Cat ur howz (hez mah bukkit, hez so kewl);
10 No bad stuffz can pwn you lol, no herpiz up in ur houz 4 real.
11 He iz making hiz angels watch ovr u wif mad skillz, dey keepz u safe evrywhere (even on teh toilet!)
12 Dere pawz iz holding u up so u don getz owiez.
13 U can stomp teh lions and teh lolruses, teh baby lionses and teh vakuum cleenrs u can squish dem wid ur paw.
14 C, he setted hiz luv on me teh Ceiling Cat, so il save him kthx. He can haz top of shelf cuz he noes mai naym.
15 Wen he sez "Hay r u dere?" il be liek "Oh, Hai!". In teh bad tiems il be dere, il save him an giv cookies.
16 He can haz nine long liefs an c wen i saveded him kthxbai.

funny pictures of cats with captions
O, Dear Ceiling Cat, Ai Jus Wanted a Dwink ov Watur!!!
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Amos 6:1a, 4-7
pai attenshn or dere wil be trublz

1 U think u iz saef in Zion
an up on Mount Samaria.
2 U iz so rong.
3 U think "I wil taekz caer of dis tumorro."
4 U lie around all day eatin cookies.
5 an jammin on teh guitar.
6 U getz drunk an putz on suntan loashn LOL.
7 U will be teh first to go.

funny pictures of cats with captions
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Psalm 146

1 Praise Ceiling Cat
Praise Ceiling Cat, o mai sole

2 I iz in mai life praisin Ceiling Cat all teh timez
I iz singin to Ceiling Cat all mai life

3 Don't be in ur base trustin ur princez
Cuz they iz gunna die an can't do nuffin

4 When their spirits iz in teh sky returning to teh urfs
They is nuffin

5 If u gets Ceiling Cat to help you can haz cheezburger

6 Teh lolcoder of Ceiling and urfs
teh watres and teh fishes

7 He lets hungry kittehs has sammiches

8 Ceiling Cat maikz teh blind kittehs can see
Ceiling Cat liftz up kittehs on 4 legz
Ceiling Cat <3>

funny pictures of cats with captions
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1 Timothy 6:6-19

6 But godliness wif contenment is great gain. Srsly.
7 Fur we brot nuthing into dis wurld. an we can taek nuthin out uf it.
8 But if we has cookies an a coat of fur, we wil bee contentz wif dat.
9 Cats who wantz too many cheezburgerz faw intu timptashun an a trap an into miny fewlish an hawmfewl desiwes dat pwunj cats intu ruin an distructshun.
10 Fur de wub uf cheezburgerz is teh rewt uf awl keyndz uf evul. Sum cats, eegr fur cheezburgerz, hav wanderd frum teh faith and peerced demselvs wif many greefs.

Srsly Tim
11 But u fawlo Ceiling Cat so runz away! Dey hidez, but findz teh rite, godlines, faith, luv, enderens, and gentwlenes.
12 Fihwt da g00d fihwt of teh faith. U sayz you getz eeternal liwf n we allz here u, so holdz on or it getz away.
13 Rmembr Ceiling Cat who madez all tingz and watchz u, n Christ Jebus who pwnd Ponchus Pilot, cuz 4 dem I sez
14 do what Ceiling Cat seyz all time until Christ Jebus cumz back
15 cuz he'll do that when Ceiling Cat feelz lik it. Ceiling Cat who pwnz n haz teh most cheezburgerz,
16 who livz 4eva in teh brite lite no one seez n can't seez evn if haz cheezburger. We givez him cookies all time. Ahmen.

lettr 2 teh rich
17 Charge dem dat r rich in dis wurld, dat dem be not high mindd, trust in da living Ceiling Cat, hoo giveth us richly things 2 enjoy;
18 Dat dem do gud, and be rich in gud werkz, ready 2 distribute, willing 2 speek;
19 Lay up in store 4 demselvez gud foundashun, dat dem cud lay hold on eternal life.

funny pictures of cats with captions
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Luke 16:19-31
Lazarus an Rich Kitteh

19 I will tell u a storee. Wonz upon a taim der wuz a rich kitteh hoo had minee cheezburgrs.
20 But anudder kitteh hoo livd neer him (udder kitteh wuz calld Lazarus) had itcheez all ovr,
21 n he wuz hungree 2 and had no kibbulz of his own; and nastee doggeez were alwayz comin and licken him. Srsly.
22 But den Lazarus kitteh dyd and went to kitteh hevun wit de anjel kittehs and Abraham kitteh! Srsly! Oh, n rich kitteh dyd 2.
23 Ded rich kitteh did not go with anjels, tho, he went to de bad plase insted. He cud see Abraham kitteh and Lazarus kitteh far awaee, laffin n lookin happee n stuff.
24 Ded rich kitteh yelld, “Hey, uz guyz, srsly, cud Lazarus come bring me sum nip and kibbulz 2? I be sad kitteh down heer in dis heet.”
25 But Abraham kitteh say, “Excuz me, WTF? U spent ur erth time havin gud thingz and not sharin wid Lazarus. Tings sure b diffrent now, huh? Don’t liek it so much now, huh?
26 Anywayz, even if i wantd 2 i cudnt hep u. Duznt work dat way, sry!"
27 Den ded rich kitteh sed, “Mayb u go visit my erth famalee den, and give dem warningz?
28 I got 5 bruders hoo still b on erth. Dey don’t want 2 burn, srsly."
29 But Abraham kitteh say, "Dey got a copee of de rulz from Moses kitteh and Ceiling Cat alrdy, just liek evrybdy else!”
30 Ded rich kitteh thot a warning from a gost kitteh mite do da trik, tho.
31 But Abraham kitteh sed no. “If dey don’t lissun to Moses kitteh and udder profet kittehs, dey will not lissun to gost kitteh eether.”

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