Friday, November 05, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Haggai 1:15b-2:9
Psalm 145:1-5, 17-21 or
Psalm 98
Job 19:23-27a
Psalm 17:1-9
2 Thessalonians 2:1-5, 13-17
Luke 20:27-38

Haggai 1:15b-2:9

15 gettin startd three an' a bit weeks later.

Templ all naice n shiny
1 In layt July teh ceiling cat am cum to Haggai.
2 "Go see Zerubbabel, kitteh of Shealtiel, teh guvnor uv Judah An Joshua, Jehozadak's ickle kitteh, teh hi preest An all so wots left ov de peeps an sayz:"
3 "Dudes, WTF happnd? Ware did all go rong?"
4 "Buff up guyz - I, teh ceiling cat, am wiv u!"
5 "No be fraydy-cat - I, teh ceiling cat, am heer."
6 "I maek urf kwake - Ricta scale no am inventd yet but I do big kwake!"
7 "I shake til monies fall owt ov pocketz. Putt monies in howse."
8 "I wants all shiny fings, is all mines."
9 "Dis howse wil be betta dan evah. All wil be nice n kwiet - no fytin"


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Psalm 145

1 I will exAlt u, mah Ceiling Cat teh Pwn
2 Evry dai I will IM u , An fwd u fr evr An evr
3 Great iz teh CEILING CAT an most worthy of kibble; his pwn nowun can haz
4 One base will fwd ur email to anoner; dey will macro of ur pwn
5 They will post of teh phishee pwn of teh Ceiling Cat, An I will downld ur pr0nz
6 They will post of teh pwn of ur awzom pr0nz, An I will post of ur winz
7 They will partaay ur lots of joy n joyness, An joyly macro of ur pwn
8 Teh Cieling Cat iz grayshus An compa - compa - neet; slow to report an rich in Friend List
9 Teh Cieling Cat iz cool to evryon; he can haz neet on all he haz not eated
10 All u haz not eated will macro u, O Ceiling Cat; ur Friends will fwd u
11 They will post of teh winz of ur base, An email of ur pwn
12 so all minz can haz be on ur Friends List, An hang at ur base
13 Your base is not b bedlong'd by anyone else, An ur chrysanthemum livz thru all madeds.
(Teh Ceiling Cat iz fayfthul to all hiz threadz, An lovin to all he haz not eated)+
14 Teh Ceiling Cat b catchin all those who haz no toastback, An liftzes those who haz teh bluz
15 All eyez look to u, An u giv them der kibblez at noon
16 U open ur paw, and givz all kittehs der cheezburger when want.
17 Teh Ceiling Cat iz admin in all hiz forumz, An neet towardz all he haz not eated
18 Teh Ceiling Cat iz near to all who IM him, An all who email him in troof
19 He fulfeelz teh desires (not in that wai, perv) of dose who feerz him; he seez der IMz An unbanz dem
20 Teh Ceiling Cat b watchin' all dose who masturbate, but all teh meanies he will eated
21 My postz will chatspk in teh prayz of teh Ceiling Cat; Let evry spambot prayz hiz holy name; for evr an evr or until teh connection diez.

+Apochrypha = i think dis meenz iz extra.

funny pictures-...And Then the Celestial Voice

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Psalm 98

1. U spos'd 2 meow 2 Ceiling Cat fur all deelishus cookies he haz made. Wiht hiz 4 pawz an hiz armz too haz made us salvashun 4 himz.
2. Celing Cat showd how good he'z an all hiz salvashun to all da cats from heer to blokcs and blokcs from heer.
3. Ceiling cat has membered how much He luvz Izreel an want to pet dem cats all teh tiem. All teh cats form heer to blokcs an blokcs from heer hurd bout salvashun uv da Ceiling Cat.
4. Meow and purr like der is catnip to Ceiling Cat.
5. Twang doze funy instamens teh peepul play, I guess cuz taht's wut He wants... Meow sum more!
6. Make mor noiz, speshly wtih ur nose and meow 'til evn dah sleepsy peepul gets up to gives Him cheezburga.
7. Make sooooo much noize dat teh fishboul movz an teh fishz in it, and teh hol hous. Srsly.
8. Teh rivurz outside shud clap what handz theyz got an big hillz shud make noize like dey has meny cheezburga for Ceiling Cat comz back to tell all uv dem to behaiv while He's at wurk. An he telz all teh cats from heer to blokcs and blokcs from here to behaiv.

funny pictures of cats with captions

U noez ur scareeness iz bad wen eben Hiz Royal Ebilness, Basement Cat, baks awai in feer!

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Job 19:23-27a

23 I wish that some kitteh would write down this story on teh internets! Srsly!
24 An liek, make sure to back it up safe too, so that future kittehs will always be able to knows it!
25 Anyway, stills I know for surez that I iz still gonna be saved. I knows it!
26 Evn when I has no skin left at all!
27 I knows that this is not teh end of teh story for Ceiling Cat an I!

funny pictures-basement cat formz a alliance wif moral grey area cat

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Psalm 17

1 O CEILING CAT, can haz grate justice?
Chek it: I is cryin.
Chek my wordses
cuz I no lyez.

2 Wuzn me stol taht cheezburgr.
Ur laik, "duh!"

3 U haxord my brain n hart wile i waz sleepzors.
U got r00t but findz no pr0n.
No haz invisible error.

4 I dos wat u sez,
so no folowz lamerz n trols.

5 I folow teh TOS;
no lye.

6 I mssg u cuz u mssgz me bak, CEILING CAT.
stik ur head owt of hole in ceiling an lisen.

7 Let me petz ur fuzy bely.
Wif ur awsom claus u help
tohs hu runz frm nmez.

8 Guard me laik u would guard ur pwn eyes.
Hid me plz. kthx.

9 Ban teh lamzors calin me geh,
seemz laik flam war gainst me.

10 Tehy r wifout piti.
Listn, tehy sez tehy r 1337! nfw

11 Tehy is scanz my portz.
reedz my netbios.

12 Tehy is laik hungry n wanz to eet me laik cheezburgr—
laik hungry lusers in line at bk.

13 Wak up, O CEILING CAT!
Pwn tehm 4 me kthx!
Scrachz tehm wif ur claus!

14 By ur masiv cheezburgr, O CEILING CAT,
pwn tohs lamerz hu look 4 datez on yahoo,
but givez ur frenz (laik me hint) a reel chik.
if burf contrl faileth, let themz kidz have game consols
an den dere kids can haz dem win dey growz out of dem (never lol).

15 Cuz I rulz, n I wil seez you.
Win I wakez up, I wil seez u face 2 face and w00t!



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2 Thessalonians 2:1-5, 13-17

Teh Manz uf Lawlzlessnesses
1 Reegardins teh commin of ar Lawrd Baby Jeebus Chrst n ar bein gafverd 2 hem, we axt u, bruthrs,
2 not to becum eesily sceerd or alrmeds by sum professy, reprt or ledder supose to be frum us, saizin that teh dai o teh Lawrd hads alreddy camed.
3 Dun let enewon trickses joo, fur tat dai wil not comes intel teh rebbelyon goes n teh mans of lawzlessnesses is can be showd, teh man dooomd to destruxon!!!
4 Him does not want and will sais hisself is awwsumr tahn Ceiling Cat, so taht he can has hole in ceiling for hissef.
5 Dun u ramembr dat I toll joo dis befor?

Stan Ferms!
13 Butt we awt alweyz to bes tankin Cieling Cat 4 joo, bruddrs luvd by teh Lawrds, becuz frum teh beginnin Ceiling Cat chosded joo to be saevs tru teh sanctfyn wurk of teh Hovr Cat an tru beleevin in teh troof.
14 He callded joo to dis tru ar gaspl, so 4 you to has sum of da glury of ar Lawrd Baby Jeebus Crist.
15 So den, bruddrs, stan ferms an huld to teh teechins we past on to joos, bai talkins or riteins.

funny pictures-i steelz hartz  not soolz

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Luke 20:27-38

Kweschun bowt Zombytiem
27 Der wer dez d00dz calld Sadducees, an dem not believ dat kittehs coem bak to lief.
28 So dem ax Jebus "O hai. Moses sez dat if a d00d gits deded wif no kittens, him bruvver shud marry ded d00d's widoh to hav kittens.
29 So der wuz dez sevin bruvvers. Firs won gits deded wif no kittens,
30 so him widdoh marryz secon bruvver, but him gits deded too. No kittens.
31 So widdoh marryz third bruvver, an forf an fiff an all ov dem.
32 Den her git deded.
33 So wen evrybodee coemz bak to lief liek zombys, wich won iz her marryd to?"
34 And Jebus sez, "U moron, only aliev kittehs gits marryd.
35 Aftr coem bak, no won gits deded agin.
36 So if dem git marryd an hav kittens, den it git too crowded. So aftr coem bak, no moar weddinz.
37 U tink no kittehs coem bak, but remimbr burnin bush? Moses calld Ceiling Cat teh Ceiling Cat of Abrahamsammich, an Ceiling Cat of Isaac, an Ceiling Cat of Jacob.
38 An him not Ceiling Cat of deded d00dz, but of livin d00dz."

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