Monday, December 20, 2010

LOL Cat Bible: Lectionary Readings for the Fourth Sunday of Advent, December 19, 2010

Fourth Sunday of Advent
December 19, 2010

Isaiah 7:10-16
Psalm 80:1-7, 17-19
Romans 1:1-7
Matthew 1:18-25


Isaiah 7:10-16

10 Teh Ceiling Cat sez "O hai" to Ahaz agin and sez:
11 Ax teh Ceiling Cat fur a sign, doun in teh Basment or up in teh Ceiling.
12 But Ahaz is all liek "No wai!" I duzznt test teh Ceiling Cat!".
13 And Isaiah is liek "Wai! Stfu, n00b!
14 Ceiling Cat's sign. Lemme show u it. Teh yung girl cat gonna has a kitten (a boi). And we calls him 'Immanuel' (that means 'Ceiling Cat is in owr hizzouse').
15 He will eatz yogurt and honey by teh tyme he lurns to rejekt evil n chooz gud.
16 Befor dat boi lurns to rejekt evil and chooz gud, teh lands whoz two kings has u so skeert will be totly pwned, wif no peeps livin ther.

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Psalm 80

1 Heer us, shepurd of kittehs,
 U hu leded Joseph liek herd of shepez;
 U hu sitzed neks to teh cherubimimim, shiend on

2 Befur Ephraim, Benjamin an Manasseh.
 Waek up, u strongz;
 Com an saivz us!

3 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
  Maek ur fase shyn on us,
  dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

4 Oh hai, Ceiling Cat,
  How longs u wil has smoldrin angryz
  Aginst teh meows uv ur kittehs?

5 U has maided dem eets sad emo bredz;
  U has maided dem drink sad emo watrz.

6 U can has maided us has problms wif teh kittehs neks dor,
  An nao ar enuhmees mahkz us, srsly

7 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
 Maek ur fase shyn on us,
 dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

8 U bringed a vyn out ov Egypt;
 U chaesd out teh othr nayshuns an putted it in a hol.

9 U cleerd teh urfs for it,
 An it taekd ruut an filded teh hoel yard.

10 Teh mowntinz can has shayd,
  Teh big treez can be cuvred wif it, tu.

11 It sentd out it bahwz to teh big watrz,
  It has shuetz as far as teh skinyr watrz over der.

12 Why u has brokded its wals
 So dat jus enibudy can has graepses?

13 Baorz frm teh foerst ravgez it
 An teh amnals can eatdz it.

14 Ceiling Cat, coem bak!
 Luk dwn from hole in ceiling and si!
 Watch ovr dis vyn (masturbatin, LOL!),

15 Teh ruut ur riet hand can has plantd,
 Teh babee u has raisd up fur urslf.

16 Ur vyn, it r cut dwn, it can be on fyr nao;
 At ur rebuk ur peoplz dy, srsly!

17 Ur hand can sits on teh dood at ur riet hand (for hed scratchs tiem, yes?),
 Teh sun of manz u can has raisd up fur urslf.

18 Den we wil not turnz awai frm u;
 Halp us, an we wil sai ur naemz.

19 Restoar us, Oh pwrful Ceiling Cat;
 Maek ur fase shyn on us,
 dat we can has savingz n cheezburgrz.

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Romans 1:1-7

Paul Sez Hai
1 Dis r a letr frum Paul cuz Ceiling Cat askt me tells about teh Gud Nuuz.
2 R teh same Gud Nuuz dat Ceiling Cat sed a long tiem ago in teh holi skripchurs.
3 Teh Gud Nuuz r about teh Baybeh Jebus, who huz grate grate grate grate grate grandson uf King David,
4 an we can knows he r teh son uf Ceiling Cat cuz he wuz ded, then zomg, he r alive.
5 So Ceiling Cat ses we haf to tell evrbdy wat he did, an then they can obeh.
6 An Jebus, he r callsing all uf u.
7 I is writing to evrybdy in Rome who Ceiling Cat luvs. An may Ceiling Cat gives u cheezbrgrs an u can has cookiez.

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Matthew 1:18-25

How is Happy Cat Formed?
18 Now, teh burth of teh Nointed Cat was liek dis: After Mary and Joseph wuz all "We get maerdied, kthnx", but befor dey haz hankiez pankiez Mary was a muthur cat thanx 2 HovurCat.
19 Joseph was liek "I haz virjn - NOOOO dey be stealin my virjn! Must hied hur".
20 But when he was tihnkin, zomg, a BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat was liek, "Oh hai! Iz in ur dreemz, givin u messij. Don be scairdy cat. Taek Mary as ur wife - is virjn. But teh Forse is strong in tihs wun, lol! HovrCat is on hur, givn hur kitlin, srsly." So Joseph was liek " Oh yey. Iz gonna luv him and squeez him and call him George."
21 But BirdCat was liek "No, you gonna call him Happy Cat. cuz he save kittehs frum bein bad kittehs. Kthxbai."
22 So all dis was all did cuz Ceiling Cat had sed it wud be. Him proffit was all liek:
23 "Hay guise, luk! teh virjn is all preggers, and dey gonna call him A-manual", dat be joospeek for "Ceiling Cat wiv us"
24 Then Joseph walked up, dun wat teh BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat tolded him too, and was all liek "U wit me now lol" at Mary.
25 And dey didnt has Hankiez Pankiez affer dey gets a son and call him Happy Cat. Kthnx.

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Weekend Cat Events

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#289 Dec 17-19 Nikita Cat
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#353 – When Cats Attack!
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Ree-purrted by KC

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